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The problem appears The problem appears
The
problem
appears
to
to
X
be unsolvable. to be unsolvable.
to
be
unsolvable
Maybe we could run Maybe we could run
Maybe
we
could
run
some computer simulations. some computer simulations.
some
computer
simulations
There are too many variables. There are too many variables.
There
are
too
many
variables
It would take forever. It would take forever.
It
would
take
forever
We've got to
to
X
be We've got to be
We've
got
to
be
missing something. missing something.
missing
something
Let's start again. Let's start again.
Let's
start
again
The movie is playing here The movie is playing here
The
movie
is
playing
here
at
at
X
7:20, here at
at
X
7:40, at 7:20, here at 7:40,
at
7:20
here
at
7:40
here at
at
X
8:10 and here at
at
X
8:45. here at 8:10 and here at 8:45.
here
at
8:10
and
here
at
8:45
These theaters These theaters
These
theaters
have to
to
X
be eliminated. have to be eliminated.
have
to
be
eliminated
Why? They're state- of
of
X
-the-art Why? They're state-of-the-art
Why
They're
state-of-the-art
digital projection, digital projection,
digital
projection
20-channel surround sound. 20-channel surround sound.
20-channel
surround
sound
Yes, but
but
X
they have Yes, but they have
Yes
but
they
have
no Icee machines. no Icee machines.
no
Icee
machines
Despite my aggressive Despite my aggressive
Despite
my
aggressive
letter-writing campaign, letter-writing campaign,
letter-writing
campaign
I might add. I might add.
I
might
add
What about
about
X
What about
What
about
the multiplex here? the multiplex here?
the
multiplex
here
The seats are terrific. The seats are terrific.
The
seats
are
terrific
They have Twizzlers They have Twizzlers
They
have
Twizzlers
instead of
of
X
Red Vines. instead of Red Vines.
instead
of
Red
Vines
No amount of
of
X
lumbar support No amount of lumbar support
No
amount
of
lumbar
support
can compensate for
for
X
that. can compensate for that.
can
compensate
for
that
Well, it's gonna take Well, it's gonna take
Well
it's
gonna
take
at least an hour to
to
X
eat, at least an hour to eat,
at
least
an
hour
to
eat
and I don't see and I don't see
and
I
don't
see
a Sheldon-approved restaurant a Sheldon-approved restaurant
a
Sheldon-approved
restaurant
proximate to
to
X
a proximate to a
proximate
to
a
Sheldon-approved theater. Sheldon-approved theater.
Sheldon-approved
theater
We could eat after
after
X
the movie. We could eat after the movie.
We
could
eat
after
the
movie
Unacceptable. Unacceptable.
Unacceptable
The delay would result The delay would result
The
delay
would
result
in tomorrow morning's bowel in tomorrow morning's bowel
in
tomorrow
morning's
bowel
movement occurring at
at
X
work. movement occurring at work.
movement
occurring
at
work
Hang on
on
X
, hang on
on
X
. Hang on, hang on.
Hang
on
hang
on
There's a 7-Eleven here. There's a 7-Eleven here.
There's
a
7-Eleven
here
We smuggle Slurpies, We smuggle Slurpies,
We
smuggle
Slurpies
which are essentially Icees, which are essentially Icees,
which
are
essentially
Icees
in
in
X
under
under
X
our coats, in under our coats,
in
under
our
coats
after
after
X
having a pleasant meal after having a pleasant meal
after
having
a
pleasant
meal
either here, here or here. either here, here or here.
either
here
here
or
here
Wow. I don't see Wow. I don't see
Wow
I
don't
see
how we missed that. how we missed that.
how
we
missed
that
Excuse me, in
in
X
what Excuse me, in what
Excuse
me
in
what
universe are Slurpies Icees? universe are Slurpies Icees?
universe
are
Slurpies
Icees
That's how That's how
That's
how
we missed it. we missed it.
we
missed
it
Sheldon, would you be prepared, Sheldon, would you be prepared,
Sheldon
would
you
be
prepared
on a non-precedential basis, on a non-precedential basis,
on
a
non-precedential
basis
to
to
X
create an emergency ad hoc to create an emergency ad hoc
to
create
an
emergency
ad
hoc
Slurpie-Icee equivalency? Slurpie-Icee equivalency?
Slurpie-Icee
equivalency
Oh, Leonard, you know Oh, Leonard, you know
Oh
Leonard
you
know
I can't do that. I can't do that.
I
can't
do
that
Okay, I guess we only Okay, I guess we only
Okay
I
guess
we
only
have one option. have one option.
have
one
option
Yep, I don't see Yep, I don't see
Yep
I
don't
see
any way around
around
X
it. any way around it.
any
way
around
it
Bye, Sheldon. Bye, Sheldon.
Bye
Sheldon
See ya. See ya.
See
ya
Stay loose. Stay loose.
Stay
loose
They're right, They're right,
They're
right
it was the only option. it was the only option.
it
was
the
only
option
♪ Our whole universe ♪ Our whole universe
Our
whole
universe
was in
in
X
a hot, dense state ♪ was in a hot, dense state ♪
was
in
a
hot
dense
state
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
Then
nearly
14
billion
years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
ago
expansion
started
Wait
♪ The Earth began to
to
X
cool ♪ ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
The
Earth
began
to
cool
♪ The autotrophs began to drool, ♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
The
autotrophs
began
to
drool
Neanderthals developed tools ♪ Neanderthals developed tools ♪
Neanderthals
developed
tools
♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We built the Wall ♪
We
built
the
Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪ ♪ We built the pyramids ♪
We
built
the
pyramids
♪ Math, Science, History, ♪ Math, Science, History,
Math
Science
History
unraveling the mystery ♪ unraveling the mystery ♪
unraveling
the
mystery
♪ That all started ♪ That all started
That
all
started
with
with
X
a big bang ♪ with a big bang ♪
with
a
big
bang
♪ Bang! ♪ ♪ Bang! ♪
Bang
Ooh, ooh, shut the door, Ooh, ooh, shut the door,
Ooh
ooh
shut
the
door
shut the door. shut the door.
shut
the
door
Why? Why?
Why
Just do it! Just do it!
Just
do
it
Get inside
inside
X
and shut the door. Get inside and shut the door.
Get
inside
and
shut
the
door
Well, you didn't specify. Well, you didn't specify.
Well
you
didn't
specify
Is Leonard around
around
X
? Is Leonard around?
Is
Leonard
around
He went to
to
X
the movies He went to the movies
He
went
to
the
movies
without
without
X
me. without me.
without
me
It was the only option. It was the only option.
It
was
the
only
option
I'm sorry, I don't understand I'm sorry, I don't understand
I'm
sorry
I
don't
understand
which social situation this is. which social situation this is.
which
social
situation
this
is
Could you give me some guidance Could you give me some guidance
Could
you
give
me
some
guidance
as
as
X
to
to
X
how to
to
X
proceed? as to how to proceed?
as
to
how
to
proceed
The building manager's showing The building manager's showing
The
building
manager's
showing
an apartment downstairs, an apartment downstairs,
an
apartment
downstairs
and I haven't paid my rent. and I haven't paid my rent.
and
I
haven't
paid
my
rent
Oh, I see. Oh, I see.
Oh
I
see
Penny, I'm not sure I'm Penny, I'm not sure I'm
Penny
I'm
not
sure
I'm
comfortable harboring a fugitive comfortable harboring a fugitive
comfortable
harboring
a
fugitive
from
from
X
the 2311 North from the 2311 North
from
the
2311
North
Los Robles Corporation. Los Robles Corporation.
Los
Robles
Corporation
It's no big deal. I'm just a It's no big deal. I'm just a
It's
no
big
deal
I'm
just
a
little behind
behind
X
on
on
X
my bills little behind on my bills
little
behind
on
my
bills
because they cut back my hours because they cut back my hours
because
they
cut
back
my
hours
at
at
X
the restaurant at the restaurant
at
the
restaurant
and my car broke down
down
X
. and my car broke down.
and
my
car
broke
down
If you recall, I pointed out If you recall, I pointed out
If
you
recall
I
pointed
out
the "check engine" light the "check engine" light
the
check
engine
light
to
to
X
you several months ago. to you several months ago.
to
you
several
months
ago
The "check engine" The "check engine"
The
check
engine
light is fine. light is fine.
light
is
fine
It's still blinking away. It's still blinking away.
It's
still
blinking
away
It's the stupid engine It's the stupid engine
It's
the
stupid
engine
that stopped working. that stopped working.
that
stopped
working
It cost me like
like
X
It cost me like
It
cost
me
like
$1,200 to
to
X
fix it. $1,200 to fix it.
1200
to
fix
it
You know, it occurs to
to
X
me you You know, it occurs to me you
You
know
it
occurs
to
me
you
could solve all your problems could solve all your problems
could
solve
all
your
problems
by
by
X
obtaining more money. by obtaining more money.
by
obtaining
more
money
Yes, it occurs to me, too. Yes, it occurs to me, too.
Yes
it
occurs
to
me
too
Hang on
on
X
a moment. Hang on a moment.
Hang
on
a
moment
Oh! Oh!
Oh
Here. Take some. Here. Take some.
Here
Take
some
Pay me back Pay me back
Pay
me
back
when you can. when you can.
when
you
can
Wow, you got a lot Wow, you got a lot
Wow
you
got
a
lot
of
of
X
money in
in
X
there. of money in there.
of
money
in
there
That's why it's That's why it's
That's
why
it's
guarded by
by
X
snakes. guarded by snakes.
guarded
by
snakes
Take some. Take some.
Take
some
Don't be silly. Don't be silly.
Don't
be
silly
I'm never silly. I'm never silly.
I'm
never
silly
Here. Here.
Here
No, I can't. No, I can't.
No
I
can't
Don't you need money? Don't you need money?
Don't
you
need
money
Well, yeah, but
but
X
... Well, yeah, but...
Well
yeah
but
This is money This is money
This
is
money
I'm not using. I'm not using.
I'm
not
using
But what if you need it? But what if you need it?
But
what
if
you
need
it
My expenses account for
for
X
46.9% My expenses account for 46.9%
My
expenses
account
for
469
of
of
X
my after
after
X
-tax income. of my after-tax income.
of
my
after-tax
income
The rest is divvied up
up
X
between
between
X
The rest is divvied up between
The
rest
is
divvied
up
between
a small savings account, a small savings account,
a
small
savings
account
this deceptive container this deceptive container
this
deceptive
container
of
of
X
peanut brittle of peanut brittle
of
peanut
brittle
and the hollowed-out buttocks and the hollowed-out buttocks
and
the
hollowed-out
buttocks
of
of
X
a superhero action figure of a superhero action figure
of
a
superhero
action
figure
who shall remain nameless who shall remain nameless
who
shall
remain
nameless
for
for
X
his own protection. for his own protection.
for
his
own
protection
Or her own protection. Or her own protection.
Or
her
own
protection
Take some. Take some.
Take
some
Really? I mean, are you sure? Really? I mean, are you sure?
Really
I
mean
are
you
sure
I see no large I see no large
I
see
no
large
upcoming expenditures upcoming expenditures
upcoming
expenditures
unless they develop unless they develop
unless
they
develop
an affordable technology an affordable technology
an
affordable
technology
to fuse my skeleton with
with
X
to fuse my skeleton with
to
fuse
my
skeleton
with
adamantium like
like
X
Wolverine. adamantium like Wolverine.
adamantium
like
Wolverine
Are they working on
on
X
that? Are they working on that?
Are
they
working
on
that
I sincerely hope so. I sincerely hope so.
I
sincerely
hope
so
Okay. Okay.
Okay
Well, thank you. Well, thank you.
Well
thank
you
Oh, no, I can't. Oh, no, I can't.
Oh
no
I
can't
Sheldon honey, Sheldon honey,
Sheldon
honey
I don't want things I don't want things
I
don't
want
things
to
to
X
be weird between
between
X
us. to be weird between us.
to
be
weird
between
us
Won't it also be weird if Won't it also be weird if
Won't
it
also
be
weird
if
I have to
to
X
say hello to
to
X
you I have to say hello to you
I
have
to
say
hello
to
you
every morning on
on
X
my way to
to
X
work every morning on my way to work
every
morning
on
my
way
to
work
and you're living and you're living
and
you're
living
in
in
X
a refrigerator box in a refrigerator box
in
a
refrigerator
box
and washing your hair and washing your hair
and
washing
your
hair
with
with
X
rain water? with rain water?
with
rain
water
I'll pay you back I'll pay you back
I'll
pay
you
back
as
as
X
soon as
as
X
I can. as soon as I can.
as
soon
as
I
can
Of course you will. Of course you will.
Of
course
you
will
It's impossible to
to
X
pay me It's impossible to pay me
It's
impossible
to
pay
me
back sooner than
than
X
you can. back sooner than you can.
back
sooner
than
you
can
Assuming you subscribe Assuming you subscribe
Assuming
you
subscribe
to
to
X
a linear understanding to a linear understanding
to
a
linear
understanding
of
of
X
time and causality. of time and causality.
of
time
and
causality
I'm regretting this already. I'm regretting this already.
I'm
regretting
this
already
You know, I've given You know, I've given
You
know
I've
given
the matter some thought, the matter some thought,
the
matter
some
thought
and I think I'd be and I think I'd be
and
I
think
I'd
be
willing to
to
X
be a house pet willing to be a house pet
willing
to
be
a
house
pet
to
to
X
a race of
of
X
to a race of
to
a
race
of
super-intelligent aliens. super-intelligent aliens.
super-intelligent
aliens
Interesting. Interesting.
Interesting
Ask me why. Ask me why.
Ask
me
why
Do I have to
to
X
? Do I have to?
Do
I
have
to
Of course. Of course.
Of
course
That's how you move a That's how you move a
That's
how
you
move
a
conversation forward. conversation forward.
conversation
forward
Why? Why?
Why
The learning opportunities The learning opportunities
The
learning
opportunities
would be abundant. would be abundant.
would
be
abundant
Additionally, I like
like
X
Additionally, I like
Additionally
I
like
having my belly scratched. having my belly scratched.
having
my
belly
scratched
Hey, Penny. How was work? Hey, Penny. How was work?
Hey
Penny
How
was
work
Great. Great.
Great
I hope I'm a waitress I hope I'm a waitress
I
hope
I'm
a
waitress
at
at
X
the Cheesecake Factory at the Cheesecake Factory
at
the
Cheesecake
Factory
for
for
X
my whole life. for my whole life.
for
my
whole
life
Was that sarcasm? Was that sarcasm?
Was
that
sarcasm
(sarcastically): (sarcastically):
sarcastically:
No. No.
No
Was that sarcasm? Was that sarcasm?
Was
that
sarcasm
Yes. Yes.
Yes
Was that sar-- Was that sar--
Was
that
sar-
Stop it! Stop it!
Stop
it
Penny, Penny,
Penny
you appear you appear
you
appear
to
to
X
have a package here. to have a package here.
to
have
a
package
here
Oh, thanks. Oh, thanks.
Oh
thanks
This must be the beret This must be the beret
This
must
be
the
beret
I ordered. I ordered.
I
ordered
A couple of
of
X
months ago. A couple of months ago.
A
couple
of
months
ago
It was back-ordered. It was back-ordered.
It
was
back-ordered
Did you know the beret is Did you know the beret is
Did
you
know
the
beret
is
an example an example
an
example
of
of
X
a piece of
of
X
women's fashion of a piece of women's fashion
of
a
piece
of
women's
fashion
adapted from
from
X
male adapted from male
adapted
from
male
military uniforms? military uniforms?
military
uniforms
Another fascinating example Another fascinating example
Another
fascinating
example
is the epaulet. is the epaulet.
is
the
epaulet
He's not lying. He's not lying.
He's
not
lying
He does find He does find
He
does
find
that fascinating. that fascinating.
that
fascinating
Okay, whatever. Okay, whatever.
Okay
whatever
It's not like
like
X
I'm running It's not like I'm running
It's
not
like
I'm
running
up
up
X
and down
down
X
the streets up and down the streets
up
and
down
the
streets
just buying myself berets. just buying myself berets.
just
buying
myself
berets
I bought one, like
like
X
, I bought one, like,
I
bought
one
like
a month ago, a month ago,
a
month
ago
and it was back-ordered. and it was back-ordered.
and
it
was
back-ordered
Look, it finally Look, it finally
Look
it
finally
arrived, all right? arrived, all right?
arrived
all
right
All right. All right.
All
right
Oh, my God, would you just Oh, my God, would you just
Oh
my
God
would
you
just
get off
off
X
my case?! get off my case?!
get
off
my
case
Weird. Weird.
Weird
Oh, good, that was an Oh, good, that was an
Oh
good
that
was
an
unusual interaction. unusual interaction.
unusual
interaction
I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure.
I
wasn't
sure
Did you guys have an argument? Did you guys have an argument?
Did
you
guys
have
an
argument
No. No.
No
Well, you clearly did Well, you clearly did
Well
you
clearly
did
something to
to
X
aggravate her. something to aggravate her.
something
to
aggravate
her
I'm at
at
X
a loss. I'm at a loss.
I'm
at
a
loss
If you like
like
X
, you can review my If you like, you can review my
If
you
like
you
can
review
my
daily log of
of
X
social interactions daily log of social interactions
daily
log
of
social
interactions
and see if there's and see if there's
and
see
if
there's
a blunder I overlooked. a blunder I overlooked.
a
blunder
I
overlooked
Here you go. Here you go.
Here
you
go
Oh, you owe me another Oh, you owe me another
Oh
you
owe
me
another
two dollars. two dollars.
two
dollars
The price of
of
X
moo shu The price of moo shu
The
price
of
moo
shu
pork went up
up
X
. pork went up.
pork
went
up
It's getting tougher and It's getting tougher and
It's
getting
tougher
and
tougher to be a bad Jew. tougher to be a bad Jew.
tougher
to
be
a
bad
Jew
Here you go, Penny. Here you go, Penny.
Here
you
go
Penny
Shrimp with
with
X
lobster sauce. Shrimp with lobster sauce.
Shrimp
with
lobster
sauce
Thank you, Leonard. Thank you, Leonard.
Thank
you
Leonard
What's my share? What's my share?
What's
my
share
Don't worry about
about
X
it. Don't worry about it.
Don't
worry
about
it
It's my treat. It's my treat.
It's
my
treat
No, really, how much? No, really, how much?
No
really
how
much
It's... whatever. $10, $11. It's... whatever. $10, $11.
It's
whatever
10
11
Well, which is it, Well, which is it,
Well
which
is
it
$10 or $11? $10 or $11?
10
or
11
$14.50. But it's no biggie. $14.50. But it's no biggie.
1450
But
it's
no
biggie
You'll get the next one. You'll get the next one.
You'll
get
the
next
one
(snickering) (snickering)
snickering
What? What?
What
He was just wondering He was just wondering
He
was
just
wondering
if he wore if he wore
if
he
wore
skintight jeans skintight jeans
skintight
jeans
and a tank top and a tank top
and
a
tank
top
if he'd get his if he'd get his
if
he'd
get
his
shrimp lo mein for
for
X
free. shrimp lo mein for free.
shrimp
lo
mein
for
free
What are you saying? What are you saying?
What
are
you
saying
That I'm using That I'm using
That
I'm
using
my body to
to
X
get dinner? my body to get dinner?
my
body
to
get
dinner
That I'm some kind of
of
X
Chinese That I'm some kind of Chinese
That
I'm
some
kind
of
Chinese
food prostitute? food prostitute?
food
prostitute
Yeah, Raj, what Yeah, Raj, what
Yeah
Raj
what
are you saying? are you saying?
are
you
saying
'Cause let me tell you 'Cause let me tell you
'Cause
let
me
tell
you
something, buddy. something, buddy.
something
buddy
I pay my own way I pay my own way
I
pay
my
own
way
in
in
X
this world, okay? in this world, okay?
in
this
world
okay
I don't rely on anybody! I don't rely on anybody!
I
don't
rely
on
anybody
What was that about
about
X
? What was that about?
What
was
that
about
He has a nervous bladder He has a nervous bladder
He
has
a
nervous
bladder
when he's stressed out. when he's stressed out.
when
he's
stressed
out
Kind of
of
X
like
like
X
a puppy. Kind of like a puppy.
Kind
of
like
a
puppy
Here, Leonard-- Here, Leonard--
Here
Leonard-
$10, $11, $12... $14. $10, $11, $12... $14.
10
11
12
14
It was $14.50, but
but
X
it's okay. It was $14.50, but it's okay.
It
was
1450
but
it's
okay
Oh, good. Oh, good.
Oh
good
Dinner's here. Dinner's here.
Dinner's
here
Yes, dinner's here, Yes, dinner's here,
Yes
dinner's
here
and I'm having some. and I'm having some.
and
I'm
having
some
I'm having takeout food. I'm having takeout food.
I'm
having
takeout
food
Okay. Okay.
Okay
You're damn right You're damn right
You're
damn
right
it's okay. it's okay.
it's
okay
I've been having leftovers I've been having leftovers
I've
been
having
leftovers
at
at
X
the restaurant at the restaurant
at
the
restaurant
for
for
X
like
like
X
four days, and I wanted for like four days, and I wanted
for
like
four
days
and
I
wanted
something different. So sue me. something different. So sue me.
something
different
So
sue
me
Forgive me, Penny, Forgive me, Penny,
Forgive
me
Penny
but
but
X
that would be but that would be
but
that
would
be
the very definition the very definition
the
very
definition
of
of
X
a frivolous lawsuit. of a frivolous lawsuit.
of
a
frivolous
lawsuit
Sheldon, look, I Sheldon, look, I
Sheldon
look
I
will pay you back will pay you back
will
pay
you
back
as
as
X
soon as
as
X
I can. as soon as I can.
as
soon
as
I
can
You just have to
to
X
You just have to
You
just
have
to
give me more time. give me more time.
give
me
more
time
Oh, wait, you lent her money? Oh, wait, you lent her money?
Oh
wait
you
lent
her
money
She needed money. She needed money.
She
needed
money
You seem under
under
X
pressure. You seem under pressure.
You
seem
under
pressure
Did I not lend you Did I not lend you
Did
I
not
lend
you
a sufficient amount? a sufficient amount?
a
sufficient
amount
Because I can give you more. Because I can give you more.
Because
I
can
give
you
more
Oh, you know, you would just Oh, you know, you would just
Oh
you
know
you
would
just
love that, wouldn't you? love that, wouldn't you?
love
that
wouldn't
you
Yeah. You would just love to
to
X
Yeah. You would just love to
Yeah
You
would
just
love
to
open up
up
X
your little snake can open up your little snake can
open
up
your
little
snake
can
and throw some money and throw some money
and
throw
some
money
at
at
X
the girl at the girl
at
the
girl
who can't pay her bills. who can't pay her bills.
who
can't
pay
her
bills
Where are you going? Where are you going?
Where
are
you
going
Going home, Going home,
Going
home
where I won't be interrogated where I won't be interrogated
where
I
won't
be
interrogated
like
like
X
a criminal. like a criminal.
like
a
criminal
(door slamming) (door slamming)
door
slamming
I forgot my fortune cookie. I forgot my fortune cookie.
I
forgot
my
fortune
cookie
In case either of
of
X
you have In case either of you have
In
case
either
of
you
have
larceny in
in
X
your heart, larceny in your heart,
larceny
in
your
heart
you should know that I've moved you should know that I've moved
you
should
know
that
I've
moved
my money out of
of
X
the snake can. my money out of the snake can.
my
money
out
of
the
snake
can
But if you're ever short, But if you're ever short,
But
if
you're
ever
short
there's always a couple of
of
X
50s there's always a couple of 50s
there's
always
a
couple
of
50s
in
in
X
Green Lantern's ass. in Green Lantern's ass.
in
Green
Lantern's
ass
(knocking) (knocking)
knocking
Hey. Hey.
Hey
Hey. Hey.
Hey
A little mood A little mood
A
little
mood
lighting, huh? lighting, huh?
lighting
huh
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah
When I didn't pay my bill, When I didn't pay my bill,
When
I
didn't
pay
my
bill
the Department of
of
X
Water the Department of Water
the
Department
of
Water
and Power thought and Power thought
and
Power
thought
I would enjoy the ambience. I would enjoy the ambience.
I
would
enjoy
the
ambience
Yeah, they're very considerate Yeah, they're very considerate
Yeah
they're
very
considerate
that way. that way.
that
way
I used Sheldon's money I used Sheldon's money
I
used
Sheldon's
money
to
to
X
pay my rent. to pay my rent.
to
pay
my
rent
Then I had like
like
X
$14 left over
over
X
. Then I had like $14 left over.
Then
I
had
like
14
left
over
$14, huh? $14, huh?
14
huh
Put it back Put it back
Put
it
back
in
in
X
your pocket, in your pocket,
in
your
pocket
or I'll find some other place or I'll find some other place
or
I'll
find
some
other
place
to
to
X
put it. to put it.
to
put
it
Back in
in
X
the pocket it goes. Back in the pocket it goes.
Back
in
the
pocket
it
goes
Look, you do understand that Look, you do understand that
Look
you
do
understand
that
Sheldon really doesn't care Sheldon really doesn't care
Sheldon
really
doesn't
care
when he gets the money back. when he gets the money back.
when
he
gets
the
money
back
It's actually one It's actually one
It's
actually
one
of
of
X
the few idiosyncrasies that of the few idiosyncrasies that
of
the
few
idiosyncrasies
that
doesn't make you want to
to
X
, doesn't make you want to,
doesn't
make
you
want
to
you know, kill him. you know, kill him.
you
know
kill
him
Yeah, well, that's not really Yeah, well, that's not really
Yeah
well
that's
not
really
my big problem. my big problem.
my
big
problem
So you're a little behind
behind
X
So you're a little behind
So
you're
a
little
behind
on
on
X
your bills. on your bills.
on
your
bills
Everybody gets behind
behind
X
Everybody gets behind
Everybody
gets
behind
on
on
X
their bills. on their bills.
on
their
bills
Yeah, I know, it's just... Yeah, I know, it's just...
Yeah
I
know
it's
just
this wasn't the plan. this wasn't the plan.
this
wasn't
the
plan
It wasn't supposed It wasn't supposed
It
wasn't
supposed
to
to
X
go this way. to go this way.
to
go
this
way
Well, what was the plan? Well, what was the plan?
Well
what
was
the
plan
Um, waitress for
for
X
six months Um, waitress for six months
Um
waitress
for
six
months
and then become a movie star. and then become a movie star.
and
then
become
a
movie
star
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh
Was there a plan B? Was there a plan B?
Was
there
a
plan
B
TV star. TV star.
TV
star
It's probably not as
as
X
bad It's probably not as bad
It's
probably
not
as
bad
as
as
X
you think. as you think.
as
you
think
Let's take a look. Let's take a look.
Let's
take
a
look
Maybe we can find Maybe we can find
Maybe
we
can
find
some corners to
to
X
cut. some corners to cut.
some
corners
to
cut
Oh, here's something. Oh, here's something.
Oh
here's
something
If you don't have If you don't have
If
you
don't
have
electricity, electricity,
electricity
then you probably then you probably
then
you
probably
don't need cable. don't need cable.
don't
need
cable
Just a suggestion. Just a suggestion.
Just
a
suggestion
$170 dollars $170 dollars
170
dollars
for
for
X
acting classes? for acting classes?
for
acting
classes
Oh, no, I can't give up
up
X
Oh, no, I can't give up
Oh
no
I
can't
give
up
my acting classes. my acting classes.
my
acting
classes
I'm a professional I'm a professional
I'm
a
professional
actress. actress.
actress
You've had an acting job You've had an acting job
You've
had
an
acting
job
where you got paid? where you got paid?
where
you
got
paid
That is not the definition That is not the definition
That
is
not
the
definition
of professional. of professional.
of
professional
Actually, it kind of
of
X
... Actually, it kind of...
Actually
it
kind
of
Let's keep looking. Let's keep looking.
Let's
keep
looking
Whoa, what's $1,800 Whoa, what's $1,800
Whoa
what's
1800
to
to
X
the Los Angeles County to the Los Angeles County
to
the
Los
Angeles
County
Superior Court? Superior Court?
Superior
Court
Oh, that's nothing. Oh, that's nothing.
Oh
that's
nothing
Nothing? Nothing?
Nothing
It sounds like
like
X
It sounds like
It
sounds
like
you got caught speeding you got caught speeding
you
got
caught
speeding
going 4,000 miles an hour. going 4,000 miles an hour.
going
4000
miles
an
hour
Well, remember Kurt? Well, remember Kurt?
Well
remember
Kurt
Your ex-boyfriend? Your ex-boyfriend?
Your
ex-boyfriend
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah
He got arrested for
for
X
taking He got arrested for taking
He
got
arrested
for
taking
a whiz on
on
X
a cop car. a whiz on a cop car.
a
whiz
on
a
cop
car
What? What?
What
He was drunk. He was drunk.
He
was
drunk
I would hope so. I would hope so.
I
would
hope
so
Anyway, he had a bunch Anyway, he had a bunch
Anyway
he
had
a
bunch
of
of
X
outstanding tickets of outstanding tickets
of
outstanding
tickets
and a bench warrant, and a bench warrant,
and
a
bench
warrant
so I, you know, so I, you know,
so
I
you
know
I paid his fines. I paid his fines.
I
paid
his
fines
Did he pay you back? Did he pay you back?
Did
he
pay
you
back
No, but
but
X
he will. No, but he will.
No
but
he
will
And that's based on
on
X
the inherent And that's based on the inherent
And
that's
based
on
the
inherent
credit-worthiness of
of
X
people credit-worthiness of people
credit-worthiness
of
people
who get drunk and urinate who get drunk and urinate
who
get
drunk
and
urinate
on
on
X
police vehicles? on police vehicles?
on
police
vehicles
Leonard, I'm not gonna call up
up
X
Leonard, I'm not gonna call up
Leonard
I'm
not
gonna
call
up
Kurt and ask him for
for
X
money. Kurt and ask him for money.
Kurt
and
ask
him
for
money
Well... Well...
Well
what are you gonna do? what are you gonna do?
what
are
you
gonna
do
I don't know, I don't know,
I
don't
know
but
but
X
I may have to
to
X
find but I may have to find
but
I
may
have
to
find
a cheaper place to
to
X
live. a cheaper place to live.
a
cheaper
place
to
live
Oh, no... Oh, no...
Oh
no
Oh, you don't want Oh, you don't want
Oh
you
don't
want
to
to
X
do that. to do that.
to
do
that
Why not? Why not?
Why
not
Moving is a big deal. Moving is a big deal.
Moving
is
a
big
deal
You have to
to
X
go to
to
X
the You have to go to the
You
have
to
go
to
the
supermarket and get boxes, supermarket and get boxes,
supermarket
and
get
boxes
and if they're not clean, and if they're not clean,
and
if
they're
not
clean
then your books smell then your books smell
then
your
books
smell
like
like
X
melons, like melons,
like
melons
and it's just, like
like
X
... and it's just, like...
and
it's
just
like
Why don't you just get Why don't you just get
Why
don't
you
just
get
a roommate and stay here? a roommate and stay here?
a
roommate
and
stay
here
Well, do you know anybody? Well, do you know anybody?
Well
do
you
know
anybody
Well, I'm sure the guy Well, I'm sure the guy
Well
I'm
sure
the
guy
living with
with
X
Sheldon living with Sheldon
living
with
Sheldon
wouldn't mind wouldn't mind
wouldn't
mind
moving in with
with
X
you. moving in with you.
moving
in
with
you
Oh, Leonard, honey, Oh, Leonard, honey,
Oh
Leonard
honey
if we started living together, if we started living together,
if
we
started
living
together
I wouldn't be able I wouldn't be able
I
wouldn't
be
able
to
to
X
keep my hands off
off
X
you. to keep my hands off you.
to
keep
my
hands
off
you
Really? Really?
Really
And you thought my acting And you thought my acting
And
you
thought
my
acting
lessons were a waste of
of
X
money. lessons were a waste of money.
lessons
were
a
waste
of
money
Ugh! Ugh!
Ugh
This moo shu pork's burning This moo shu pork's burning
This
moo
shu
pork's
burning
a hole through
through
X
my duodenum. a hole through my duodenum.
a
hole
through
my
duodenum
(tsking) (tsking)
tsking
Leviticus 11:3: Leviticus 11:3:
Leviticus
11:3:
"Only that which parteth "Only that which parteth
Only
that
which
parteth
the hoof and cheweth the cud the hoof and cheweth the cud
the
hoof
and
cheweth
the
cud
among
among
X
the beasts shall ye eat." among the beasts shall ye eat."
among
the
beasts
shall
ye
eat
Hey, do I mock you with
with
X
the Hey, do I mock you with the
Hey
do
I
mock
you
with
the
Bhagavad-Gita every time Bhagavad-Gita every time
Bhagavad-Gita
every
time
you scarf down
down
X
a Whopper? you scarf down a Whopper?
you
scarf
down
a
Whopper
Hey, what's going on
on
X
? Hey, what's going on?
Hey
what's
going
on
We're on
on
X
a quest through
through
X
We're on a quest through
We're
on
a
quest
through
the Valley of
of
X
Fire the Valley of Fire
the
Valley
of
Fire
to
to
X
acquire to acquire
to
acquire
the sacred crown. the sacred crown.
the
sacred
crown
You want the Valley of
of
X
Fire? You want the Valley of Fire?
You
want
the
Valley
of
Fire
It's right here. It's right here.
It's
right
here
Hey, you guys want to
to
X
go Hey, you guys want to go
Hey
you
guys
want
to
go
on
on
X
a real live quest? on a real live quest?
on
a
real
live
quest
Outside? Outside?
Outside
I just made cocoa. I just made cocoa.
I
just
made
cocoa
Come on
on
X
. It'll be fun. Come on. It'll be fun.
Come
on
It'll
be
fun
What is it? What is it?
What
is
it
Do you guys remember Do you guys remember
Do
you
guys
remember
Penny's ex-boyfriend Kurt? Penny's ex-boyfriend Kurt?
Penny's
ex-boyfriend
Kurt
Yeah, that's him. Yeah, that's him.
Yeah
that's
him
It turns out he owes Penny It turns out he owes Penny
It
turns
out
he
owes
Penny
a lot of
of
X
money, a lot of money,
a
lot
of
money
and I'm gonna go get it and I'm gonna go get it
and
I'm
gonna
go
get
it
from
from
X
him. from him.
from
him
Who's with
with
X
me? Who's with me?
Who's
with
me
Ooh, double sixes. Ooh, double sixes.
Ooh
double
sixes
Really? You're just gonna let me Really? You're just gonna let me
Really
You're
just
gonna
let
me
go by
by
X
myself? go by myself?
go
by
myself
Oh, cool, I got a sword. Oh, cool, I got a sword.
Oh
cool
I
got
a
sword
I could use I could use
I
could
use
some help. some help.
some
help
Here. Here.
Here
You guys are unbelievable. You guys are unbelievable.
You
guys
are
unbelievable
You play a game You play a game
You
play
a
game
to
to
X
simulate adventure, to simulate adventure,
to
simulate
adventure
but
but
X
when there's but when there's
but
when
there's
real adventure out there real adventure out there
real
adventure
out
there
in
in
X
the real world, in the real world,
in
the
real
world
you just wimp out. you just wimp out.
you
just
wimp
out
Leonard, do you not recall Leonard, do you not recall
Leonard
do
you
not
recall
the last time we visited the last time we visited
the
last
time
we
visited
this gentleman, this gentleman,
this
gentleman
we returned home we returned home
we
returned
home
without
without
X
pants? without pants?
without
pants
I do. I do.
I
do
Are you sure? Are you sure?
Are
you
sure
Because your proposal Because your proposal
Because
your
proposal
suggests that you don't. suggests that you don't.
suggests
that
you
don't
I'm not afraid of
of
X
him. I'm not afraid of him.
I'm
not
afraid
of
him
All right. Leonard fairly calls All right. Leonard fairly calls
All
right
Leonard
fairly
calls
the question: the question:
the
question:
Who is in favor of
of
X
abandoning Who is in favor of abandoning
Who
is
in
favor
of
abandoning
our game and confronting our game and confronting
our
game
and
confronting
Penny's steroid-infused Penny's steroid-infused
Penny's
steroid-infused
ex-boyfriend ex-boyfriend
ex-boyfriend
in
in
X
a suicidal mission in a suicidal mission
in
a
suicidal
mission
to
to
X
extract money from
from
X
him? to extract money from him?
to
extract
money
from
him
Say hi to
to
X
Kurt for
for
X
us. Say hi to Kurt for us.
Say
hi
to
Kurt
for
us
Excuse me. When Frodo left Excuse me. When Frodo left
Excuse
me
When
Frodo
left
the Shire the Shire
the
Shire
to
to
X
take the one ring to take the one ring
to
take
the
one
ring
to
to
X
Mordor, to Mordor,
to
Mordor
didn't Samwise, Pippin didn't Samwise, Pippin
didn't
Samwise
Pippin
and Merry go with
with
X
him? and Merry go with him?
and
Merry
go
with
him
They did. They did.
They
did
Well? Well?
Well
They had a terrible time of
of
X
it, They had a terrible time of it,
They
had
a
terrible
time
of
it
Leonard. Leonard.
Leonard
Plus, no one stole their pants. Plus, no one stole their pants.
Plus
no
one
stole
their
pants
Fine. Fine.
Fine
Enjoy your little game. Enjoy your little game.
Enjoy
your
little
game
I'll make this quest on
on
X
my own. I'll make this quest on my own.
I'll
make
this
quest
on
my
own
Leonard, wait. Leonard, wait.
Leonard
wait
Take a jacket. Take a jacket.
Take
a
jacket
It's shpritzing a little. It's shpritzing a little.
It's
shpritzing
a
little
You guys suck. You guys suck.
You
guys
suck
Come on
on
X
, please? He's so big. Come on, please? He's so big.
Come
on
please
He's
so
big
Okay, is everyone Okay, is everyone
Okay
is
everyone
clear on
on
X
the plan? clear on the plan?
clear
on
the
plan
Yes. Koothrappali's Yes. Koothrappali's
Yes
Koothrappali's
going to
to
X
wet himself, going to wet himself,
going
to
wet
himself
I'm gonna throw up
up
X
, I'm gonna throw up,
I'm
gonna
throw
up
Sheldon's gonna run away, Sheldon's gonna run away,
Sheldon's
gonna
run
away
and you're going to
to
X
die. and you're going to die.
and
you're
going
to
die
Shall we synchronize Shall we synchronize
Shall
we
synchronize
our watches? our watches?
our
watches
Guys, there are Guys, there are
Guys
there
are
four of
of
X
us four of us
four
of
us
and one of
of
X
him. and one of him.
and
one
of
him
Which means his triumph Which means his triumph
Which
means
his
triumph
will be even larger. will be even larger.
will
be
even
larger
Minstrels will write songs Minstrels will write songs
Minstrels
will
write
songs
about
about
X
him. about him.
about
him
Okay, how about
about
X
this? Okay, how about this?
Okay
how
about
this
I'll do the talking. I'll do the talking.
I'll
do
the
talking
You just stand behind
behind
X
me You just stand behind me
You
just
stand
behind
me
and try to
to
X
look formidable. and try to look formidable.
and
try
to
look
formidable
I should've peed I should've peed
I
should've
peed
before
before
X
we left. before we left.
before
we
left
(door opens) (door opens)
door
opens
Yeah? Yeah?
Yeah
Hi, Kurt. Hi, Kurt.
Hi
Kurt
Lenny, right? Lenny, right?
Lenny
right
I don't really go by
by
X
Lenny, I don't really go by Lenny,
I
don't
really
go
by
Lenny
but
but
X
that's okay. but that's okay.
but
that's
okay
Um, you remember Um, you remember
Um
you
remember
Sheldon, Sheldon,
Sheldon
Howard and Raj. Howard and Raj.
Howard
and
Raj
No. What do you want? No. What do you want?
No
What
do
you
want
You don't remember me? You don't remember me?
You
don't
remember
me
How could How could
How
could
he not remember me? he not remember me?
he
not
remember
me
Sheldon, not now. Sheldon, not now.
Sheldon
not
now
I remember him. I remember him.
I
remember
him
Okay, here it is. Penny's in
in
X
Okay, here it is. Penny's in
Okay
here
it
is
Penny's
in
kind of
of
X
a financial jam, kind of a financial jam,
kind
of
a
financial
jam
and the money that you owe her and the money that you owe her
and
the
money
that
you
owe
her
would go a long way would go a long way
would
go
a
long
way
to
to
X
solving her problems. to solving her problems.
to
solving
her
problems
And she sent you And she sent you
And
she
sent
you
to
to
X
get it from
from
X
me? to get it from me?
to
get
it
from
me
No, no, she's too proud No, no, she's too proud
No
no
she's
too
proud
to
to
X
ask for
for
X
the money. to ask for the money.
to
ask
for
the
money
I, on
on
X
the other hand, I, on the other hand,
I
on
the
other
hand
feel you should honor your debt. feel you should honor your debt.
feel
you
should
honor
your
debt
You do? You do?
You
do
"Feel" is a kind of
of
X
a... "Feel" is a kind of a...
Feel
is
a
kind
of
a
it's a strong word. it's a strong word.
it's
a
strong
word
Um, I just think it would be Um, I just think it would be
Um
I
just
think
it
would
be
a nice gesture on
on
X
your part. a nice gesture on your part.
a
nice
gesture
on
your
part
She'll get it She'll get it
She'll
get
it
when she gets it. when she gets it.
when
she
gets
it
(door slamming) (door slamming)
door
slamming
Well, there you go. Well, there you go.
Well
there
you
go
Problem solved. Problem solved.
Problem
solved
A successful quest. A successful quest.
A
successful
quest
Now let's go find Now let's go find
Now
let's
go
find
a gas station with
with
X
a gas station with
a
gas
station
with
a clean bathroom. a clean bathroom.
a
clean
bathroom
No, the problem isn't solved. No, the problem isn't solved.
No
the
problem
isn't
solved
He just blew us off
off
X
. He just blew us off.
He
just
blew
us
off
I've got it. I've got it.
I've
got
it
He didn't remember me He didn't remember me
He
didn't
remember
me
because the last time we met, because the last time we met,
because
the
last
time
we
met
I was in
in
X
I was in
I
was
in
a Halloween costume. a Halloween costume.
a
Halloween
costume
Come on, Leonard, Come on, Leonard,
Come
on
Leonard
let's go. let's go.
let's
go
No. You can leave No. You can leave
No
You
can
leave
if you want to
to
X
. if you want to.
if
you
want
to
I'm gonna see this through
through
X
. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm
gonna
see
this
through
Okay. Okay.
Okay
I guess, technically, I guess, technically,
I
guess
technically
that was my fault. that was my fault.
that
was
my
fault
I'm not leaving here I'm not leaving here
I'm
not
leaving
here
without
without
X
Penny's money. without Penny's money.
without
Penny's
money
What happened What happened
What
happened
to
to
X
your backup? to your backup?
to
your
backup
I don't need backup. I don't need backup.
I
don't
need
backup
I have right on
on
X
my side. I have right on my side.
I
have
right
on
my
side
And I'm wearing cargo shorts And I'm wearing cargo shorts
And
I'm
wearing
cargo
shorts
under
under
X
my pants. under my pants.
under
my
pants
Congratulations. Congratulations.
Congratulations
You may not have succeeded You may not have succeeded
You
may
not
have
succeeded
in getting cash, in getting cash,
in
getting
cash
but
but
X
you did secure a formal but you did secure a formal
but
you
did
secure
a
formal
acknowledgment of
of
X
the debt. acknowledgment of the debt.
acknowledgment
of
the
debt
Maybe we should have Maybe we should have
Maybe
we
should
have
your head notarized. your head notarized.
your
head
notarized
If anybody cares, If anybody cares,
If
anybody
cares
I still have to
to
X
pee. I still have to pee.
I
still
have
to
pee
Hey. Hey.
Hey
Hey. Is Sheldon here? Hey. Is Sheldon here?
Hey
Is
Sheldon
here
Yeah. Hang on
on
X
. Yeah. Hang on.
Yeah
Hang
on
Sheldon! Sheldon!
Sheldon
Nice hat. Nice hat.
Nice
hat
It's kind of
of
X
a fashionable It's kind of a fashionable
It's
kind
of
a
fashionable
look these days. look these days.
look
these
days
Maybe if you're working Maybe if you're working
Maybe
if
you're
working
on
on
X
a tuna boat. on a tuna boat.
on
a
tuna
boat
Hello, Penny. Hello, Penny.
Hello
Penny
Sheldon, here is your money. Sheldon, here is your money.
Sheldon
here
is
your
money
Thank you very much. Thank you very much.
Thank
you
very
much
It helped a lot. It helped a lot.
It
helped
a
lot
Sarcasm? Sarcasm?
Sarcasm
No. No.
No
Darn. I can't seem Darn. I can't seem
Darn
I
can't
seem
to
to
X
get the hang of
of
X
that. to get the hang of that.
to
get
the
hang
of
that
Hey, I know it's none Hey, I know it's none
Hey
I
know
it's
none
of
of
X
my business, of my business,
of
my
business
but
but
X
where did the money but where did the money
but
where
did
the
money
come from
from
X
? come from?
come
from
Well, I cut back my expenses Well, I cut back my expenses
Well
I
cut
back
my
expenses
like
like
X
you said like you said
like
you
said
and picked up
up
X
a few more and picked up a few more
and
picked
up
a
few
more
hours at
at
X
the restaurant, hours at the restaurant,
hours
at
the
restaurant
but
but
X
the biggest thing was, but the biggest thing was,
but
the
biggest
thing
was
out of
of
X
the blue, out of the blue,
out
of
the
blue
Kurt shows up
up
X
Kurt shows up
Kurt
shows
up
and gives me and gives me
and
gives
me
the money he owes me.. the money he owes me..
the
money
he
owes
me
Really? Really?
Really
Did he say why? Did he say why?
Did
he
say
why
Yes, he said he was Yes, he said he was
Yes
he
said
he
was
feeling guilty feeling guilty
feeling
guilty
and wanted to
to
X
do and wanted to do
and
wanted
to
do
what was right. what was right.
what
was
right
(chuckles) (chuckles)
chuckles
That's it? That's it?
That's
it
Did he give any reason Did he give any reason
Did
he
give
any
reason
as
as
X
to
to
X
why he came as to why he came
as
to
why
he
came
to
to
X
this moral epiphany? to this moral epiphany?
to
this
moral
epiphany
Nope. I just think Nope. I just think
Nope
I
just
think
he's really changed. he's really changed.
he's
really
changed
We're having dinner We're having dinner
We're
having
dinner
tomorrow night, tomorrow night,
tomorrow
night
and I get to
to
X
wear and I get to wear
and
I
get
to
wear
my new beret. my new beret.
my
new
beret
Bye, guys. Bye, guys.
Bye
guys
Bye. Bye.
Bye
Well done, Leonard. Well done, Leonard.
Well
done
Leonard
The true hero The true hero
The
true
hero
doesn't seek adulation. doesn't seek adulation.
doesn't
seek
adulation
He fights for
for
X
right and He fights for right and
He
fights
for
right
and
justice simply because justice simply because
justice
simply
because
it's his nature. it's his nature.
it's
his
nature
Penny's hooking up
up
X
Penny's hooking up
Penny's
hooking
up
with
with
X
her jerk of
of
X
an with her jerk of an
with
her
jerk
of
an
ex-boyfriend, ex-boyfriend,
ex-boyfriend
and I have indelible ink and I have indelible ink
and
I
have
indelible
ink
on
on
X
my forehead! on my forehead!
on
my
forehead
That's your badge of
of
X
honor-- That's your badge of honor--
That's
your
badge
of
honor-
your warrior's wound, your warrior's wound,
your
warrior's
wound
if you will. if you will.
if
you
will
I was wrong. I was wrong.
I
was
wrong
Minstrels will write Minstrels will write
Minstrels
will
write
songs about
about
X
you. songs about you.
songs
about
you
Great. Great.
Great
♪ There once was a brave lad ♪ There once was a brave lad
There
once
was
a
brave
lad
named Leonard ♪ named Leonard ♪
named
Leonard
♪ With a fi-fi fiddle dee-dee ♪ ♪ With a fi-fi fiddle dee-dee ♪
With
a
fi-fi
fiddle
dee-dee
♪ He faced a fearsome giant ♪ ♪ He faced a fearsome giant ♪
He
faced
a
fearsome
giant
♪ While Raj just wanted ♪ While Raj just wanted
While
Raj
just
wanted
to
to
X
pee. ♪ to pee. ♪
to
pee

/

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