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It seems the way they've It seems the way they've
It
seems
the
way
they've
designed the car alarm designed the car alarm
designed
the
car
alarm
is so that the car is so that the car
is
so
that
the
car
will behave will behave
will
behave
as if it was a nervous, as if it was a nervous,
as
if
it
was
a
nervous
hysterical person. hysterical person.
hysterical
person
Anyone goes near
near
X
it, Anyone goes near it,
Anyone
goes
near
it
anyone disturbs it... anyone disturbs it...
anyone
disturbs
it
[MIMICS SIREN WAILING] [MIMICS SIREN WAILING]
MIMICS
SIREN
WAILING
Lights flashing on
on
X
and off
off
X
, Lights flashing on and off,
Lights
flashing
on
and
off
acting all crazy. acting all crazy.
acting
all
crazy
Not everyone wants to
to
X
draw Not everyone wants to draw
Not
everyone
wants
to
draw
that much attention that much attention
that
much
attention
to
to
X
themselves. to themselves.
to
themselves
Wouldn't it be nice if you could Wouldn't it be nice if you could
Wouldn't
it
be
nice
if
you
could
have a car alarm that have a car alarm that
have
a
car
alarm
that
was a little more subtle? was a little more subtle?
was
a
little
more
subtle
Maybe just, you know, Maybe just, you know,
Maybe
just
you
know
somebody tries to
to
X
break in
in
X
, somebody tries to break in,
somebody
tries
to
break
in
and it goes... and it goes...
and
it
goes
[CLEARS THROAT] [CLEARS THROAT]
CLEARS
THROAT
[LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]
LAUGHTER
[CLEARS THROAT] [CLEARS THROAT]
CLEARS
THROAT
"Excuse me?" "Excuse me?"
Excuse
me
I would like
like
X
a car alarm I would like a car alarm
I
would
like
a
car
alarm
like
like
X
that. like that.
like
that
[♪♪♪] [♪♪♪]
Do you believe this? Do you believe this?
Do
you
believe
this
Car was parked Car was parked
Car
was
parked
right out front. right out front.
right
out
front
Was the alarm on
on
X
? Was the alarm on?
Was
the
alarm
on
I don't know. I don't know.
I
don't
know
I guess it was on
on
X
. I guess it was on.
I
guess
it
was
on
I don't know I don't know
I
don't
know
my alarm sound. my alarm sound.
my
alarm
sound
I'm not tuned into
into
X
it I'm not tuned into it
I'm
not
tuned
into
it
like
like
X
it's my son. like it's my son.
like
it's
my
son
I don't understand. I don't understand.
I
don't
understand
How do these thieves How do these thieves
How
do
these
thieves
start the car? start the car?
start
the
car
They cross the wires They cross the wires
They
cross
the
wires
or something. or something.
or
something
Cross the wires? Cross the wires?
Cross
the
wires
I can't even make I can't even make
I
can't
even
make
a pot of
of
X
spaghetti. a pot of spaghetti.
a
pot
of
spaghetti
Hey. Hey.
Hey
They stole my car. They stole my car.
They
stole
my
car
Who did? Who did?
Who
did
They did. They did.
They
did
What? Is there more What? Is there more
What
Is
there
more
than
than
X
just one? than just one?
than
just
one
What should I do? What should I do?
What
should
I
do
Call the police? Call the police?
Call
the
police
What are they gonna do? What are they gonna do?
What
are
they
gonna
do
You know, I'd better call You know, I'd better call
You
know
I'd
better
call
the car-phone company, the car-phone company,
the
car-phone
company
cancel my service. cancel my service.
cancel
my
service
Maybe you should Maybe you should
Maybe
you
should
call your car phone. call your car phone.
call
your
car
phone
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah
He's probably driving He's probably driving
He's
probably
driving
it right now. it right now.
it
right
now
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait
a
minute
Call the car phone. Call the car phone.
Call
the
car
phone
See what happens. See what happens.
See
what
happens
Are you serious? Are you serious?
Are
you
serious
Yeah, go ahead. Call. Yeah, go ahead. Call.
Yeah
go
ahead
Call
I don't even know I don't even know
I
don't
even
know
if I remember the number. if I remember the number.
if
I
remember
the
number
What do I say What do I say
What
do
I
say
if he picks up
up
X
? if he picks up?
if
he
picks
up
MAN: Hello. MAN: Hello.
MAN:
Hello
Hello. Hello.
Hello
Is this 555-8383? Is this 555-8383?
Is
this
555-8383
I have no idea. I have no idea.
I
have
no
idea
Can I ask you Can I ask you
Can
I
ask
you
a question? a question?
a
question
Sure. Sure.
Sure
Did you steal my car? Did you steal my car?
Did
you
steal
my
car
Yes, I did. Yes, I did.
Yes
I
did
You did? You did?
You
did
I did. I did.
I
did
But that's my car. But that's my car.
But
that's
my
car
I didn't know it was yours. I didn't know it was yours.
I
didn't
know
it
was
yours
What are you What are you
What
are
you
gonna do with
with
X
it? gonna do with it?
gonna
do
with
it
I don't know. I don't know.
I
don't
know
Drive around
around
X
. Drive around.
Drive
around
Then can I have it back? Then can I have it back?
Then
can
I
have
it
back
Mmmm... Mmmm...
Mmmm
No, I'm gonna keep it. No, I'm gonna keep it.
No
I'm
gonna
keep
it
Let me talk to
to
X
him. Let me talk to him.
Let
me
talk
to
him
Give it, give it, give it. Give it, give it, give it.
Give
it
give
it
give
it
Hello. Hello.
Hello
Yeah, who's this? Yeah, who's this?
Yeah
who's
this
Kramer. Kramer.
Kramer
Hello, Kramer. Hello, Kramer.
Hello
Kramer
Listen, there's a pair of
of
X
gloves Listen, there's a pair of gloves
Listen
there's
a
pair
of
gloves
in
in
X
the glove compartment. in the glove compartment.
in
the
glove
compartment
Wait, hold it. Wait, hold it.
Wait
hold
it
De, de, de-dee ♪ De, de, de-dee ♪
De
de
de-dee
Brown ones? Brown ones?
Brown
ones
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah
Listen, could you Listen, could you
Listen
could
you
mail those to
to
X
me? mail those to me?
mail
those
to
me
Or bring them by
by
X
my building. Or bring them by my building.
Or
bring
them
by
my
building
It's 129 West 81st Street. It's 129 West 81st Street.
It's
129
West
81st
Street
129. Okay. 129. Okay.
129
Okay
All right, thanks a lot. All right, thanks a lot.
All
right
thanks
a
lot
Here's Jerry. Here's Jerry.
Here's
Jerry
Gloves. Gloves.
Gloves
Hello. Hello.
Hello
Jerry. Jerry.
Jerry
Yeah. Let me ask you Yeah. Let me ask you
Yeah
Let
me
ask
you
a question. a question.
a
question
How do you cross those wires? How do you cross those wires?
How
do
you
cross
those
wires
I didn't cross any wires. I didn't cross any wires.
I
didn't
cross
any
wires
The keys were in
in
X
it. The keys were in it.
The
keys
were
in
it
Sid left the keys Sid left the keys
Sid
left
the
keys
in
in
X
the car. in the car.
in
the
car
All right, I gotta go. All right, I gotta go.
All
right
I
gotta
go
Drive carefully. Drive carefully.
Drive
carefully
Hey, Jerry, when's the last Hey, Jerry, when's the last
Hey
Jerry
when's
the
last
time you had a tune- up
up
X
? time you had a tune-up?
time
you
had
a
tune-up
Because I can't find Because I can't find
Because
I
can't
find
the owner's-- the owner's--
the
owner's-
Sid left the keys Sid left the keys
Sid
left
the
keys
in
in
X
the car. in the car.
in
the
car
Who's Sid? Who's Sid?
Who's
Sid
He's this guy He's this guy
He's
this
guy
in
in
X
the neighborhood. in the neighborhood.
in
the
neighborhood
Parks cars on
on
X
the block. Parks cars on the block.
Parks
cars
on
the
block
What? What?
What
He moves them He moves them
He
moves
them
from
from
X
one side to
to
X
the other, from one side to the other,
from
one
side
to
the
other
so you don't so you don't
so
you
don't
get ticketed. get ticketed.
get
ticketed
You pay him for
for
X
that? You pay him for that?
You
pay
him
for
that
Yeah. Like 50 bucks Yeah. Like 50 bucks
Yeah
Like
50
bucks
a month. a month.
a
month
How many people How many people
How
many
people
does he do that for
for
X
? does he do that for?
does
he
do
that
for
The whole block, The whole block,
The
whole
block
40, 50 cars. 40, 50 cars.
40
50
cars
He only works He only works
He
only
works
three hours a day. three hours a day.
three
hours
a
day
He makes a fortune. He makes a fortune.
He
makes
a
fortune
He's been doing that He's been doing that
He's
been
doing
that
for
for
X
years, right, Jerry? for years, right, Jerry?
for
years
right
Jerry
Could anybody do that? Could anybody do that?
Could
anybody
do
that
Hey, Sid, Hey, Sid,
Hey
Sid
what happened? what happened?
what
happened
I'm sorry, Jerry. I'm sorry, Jerry.
I'm
sorry
Jerry
Maybe I'm getting too old Maybe I'm getting too old
Maybe
I'm
getting
too
old
for
for
X
this stuff. for this stuff.
for
this
stuff
You left the keys You left the keys
You
left
the
keys
in
in
X
the car? in the car?
in
the
car
Well, you know. Well, you know.
Well
you
know
They're making that They're making that
They're
making
that
Woody Allen movie on
on
X
the block Woody Allen movie on the block
Woody
Allen
movie
on
the
block
and all those people and all those people
and
all
those
people
and trucks everywhere and trucks everywhere
and
trucks
everywhere
and when I saw him, I must've and when I saw him, I must've
and
when
I
saw
him
I
must've
got a little distracted. got a little distracted.
got
a
little
distracted
You know I'm in
in
X
that movie. You know I'm in that movie.
You
know
I'm
in
that
movie
You're what? You're what?
You're
what
Yeah, I'm an extra. Yeah, I'm an extra.
Yeah
I'm
an
extra
How'd you get that? How'd you get that?
How'd
you
get
that
Well, I was just watching Well, I was just watching
Well
I
was
just
watching
them film yesterday, them film yesterday,
them
film
yesterday
and some guy just asked me. and some guy just asked me.
and
some
guy
just
asked
me
Right out of
of
X
the clear blue sky? Right out of the clear blue sky?
Right
out
of
the
clear
blue
sky
Clear blue sky. Clear blue sky.
Clear
blue
sky
Why didn't they ask me? Why didn't they ask me?
Why
didn't
they
ask
me
I got a quality. I got a quality.
I
got
a
quality
Hey, Jerry, Hey, Jerry,
Hey
Jerry
you got insurance, right? you got insurance, right?
you
got
insurance
right
Yeah, but
but
X
no car. Yeah, but no car.
Yeah
but
no
car
I'll have to
to
X
rent one. I'll have to rent one.
I'll
have
to
rent
one
I'm going to
to
X
visit my sister I'm going to visit my sister
I'm
going
to
visit
my
sister
in Virginia next Wednesday in Virginia next Wednesday
in
Virginia
next
Wednesday
for
for
X
a week, for a week,
for
a
week
so I can't park it. so I can't park it.
so
I
can't
park
it
This Wednesday? This Wednesday?
This
Wednesday
No, next Wednesday. No, next Wednesday.
No
next
Wednesday
Week after
after
X
this Wednesday. Week after this Wednesday.
Week
after
this
Wednesday
But the Wednesday two days But the Wednesday two days
But
the
Wednesday
two
days
from
from
X
now from now
from
now
is the next Wednesday. is the next Wednesday.
is
the
next
Wednesday
If I meant this Wednesday, If I meant this Wednesday,
If
I
meant
this
Wednesday
I would've said, I would've said,
I
would've
said
"this Wednesday." "this Wednesday."
this
Wednesday
It's the week It's the week
It's
the
week
after
after
X
this Wednesday. after this Wednesday.
after
this
Wednesday
Sid, who's gonna move the cars Sid, who's gonna move the cars
Sid
who's
gonna
move
the
cars
while you're away? while you're away?
while
you're
away
Whoever wants to
to
X
move them. Whoever wants to move them.
Whoever
wants
to
move
them
What do I care who moves them? What do I care who moves them?
What
do
I
care
who
moves
them
They can move themselves They can move themselves
They
can
move
themselves
if they want. if they want.
if
they
want
Maybe I could move them Maybe I could move them
Maybe
I
could
move
them
until
until
X
you get back. until you get back.
until
you
get
back
What's a young man like
like
X
you What's a young man like you
What's
a
young
man
like
you
want to
to
X
move cars for
for
X
? want to move cars for?
want
to
move
cars
for
You don't work? You don't work?
You
don't
work
I'm in
in
X
a transition phase I'm in a transition phase
I'm
in
a
transition
phase
right now. right now.
right
now
Well, if you want Well, if you want
Well
if
you
want
to
to
X
move the cars, move the cars. to move the cars, move the cars.
to
move
the
cars
move
the
cars
Just don't forget to
to
X
take Just don't forget to take
Just
don't
forget
to
take
the keys out. That's all the keys out. That's all
the
keys
out
That's
all
All right. All right.
All
right
[PHONE RINGS] [PHONE RINGS]
PHONE
RINGS
Hello. Hello.
Hello
Yeah, the defroster's Yeah, the defroster's
Yeah
the
defroster's
the one on the bottom. the one on the bottom.
the
one
on
the
bottom
Just slide it all the way over
over
X
. Just slide it all the way over.
Just
slide
it
all
the
way
over
You're welcome. You're welcome.
You're
welcome
I'm in
in
X
awe of
of
X
I'm in awe of
I'm
in
awe
of
his intellect. his intellect.
his
intellect
When he talks, When he talks,
When
he
talks
it sounds like
like
X
it sounds like
it
sounds
like
he's reading from
from
X
he's reading from
he's
reading
from
one of
of
X
his novels. one of his novels.
one
of
his
novels
Owen March. Owen March.
Owen
March
I never heard of
of
X
him. I never heard of him.
I
never
heard
of
him
Well, he's not Well, he's not
Well
he's
not
a baseball player. a baseball player.
a
baseball
player
Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true.
Yeah
that's
true
Well, so it sounds like
like
X
it's Well, so it sounds like it's
Well
so
it
sounds
like
it's
going pretty good. going pretty good.
going
pretty
good
Yeah. Well, there is Yeah. Well, there is
Yeah
Well
there
is
one little problem. one little problem.
one
little
problem
What's that? What's that?
What's
that
He's 66 years old. He's 66 years old.
He's
66
years
old
WOMAN: Next, please. WOMAN: Next, please.
WOMAN:
Next
please
Go. Go. She-- Go. Come on
on
X
. Go. Go. She-- Go. Come on.
Go
Go
She-
Go
Come
on
Can I help you? Can I help you?
Can
I
help
you
Name, please. Name, please.
Name
please
Uh, Seinfeld. I made Uh, Seinfeld. I made
Uh
Seinfeld
I
made
a reservation for
for
X
a midsize, a reservation for a midsize,
a
reservation
for
a
midsize
and she's a small. and she's a small.
and
she's
a
small
I'm kidding around
around
X
, I'm kidding around,
I'm
kidding
around
of
of
X
course. of course.
of
course
Yes. Yes.
Yes
Okay, Okay,
Okay
let's see here. let's see here.
let's
see
here
Sixty-six years old? Sixty-six years old?
Sixty-six
years
old
Yeah, well, he's Yeah, well, he's
Yeah
well
he's
in
in
X
perfect health. in perfect health.
in
perfect
health
He works out. He's vibrant. He works out. He's vibrant.
He
works
out
He's
vibrant
You'd really like
like
X
him. You'd really like him.
You'd
really
like
him
Why do people always Why do people always
Why
do
people
always
say that? say that?
say
that
I hate everybody. I hate everybody.
I
hate
everybody
Why would I like
like
X
him? Why would I like him?
Why
would
I
like
him
So, what do you think? So, what do you think?
So
what
do
you
think
Could you go out Could you go out
Could
you
go
out
with
with
X
a 66-year-old woman? with a 66-year-old woman?
with
a
66-year-old
woman
Well, I'll tell you, she would Well, I'll tell you, she would
Well
I'll
tell
you
she
would
have to
to
X
be really vibrant. have to be really vibrant.
have
to
be
really
vibrant
So vibrant So vibrant
So
vibrant
she'd be spinning. she'd be spinning.
she'd
be
spinning
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm
sorry
We have no midsize We have no midsize
We
have
no
midsize
available at
at
X
the moment. available at the moment.
available
at
the
moment
I don't understand. I don't understand.
I
don't
understand
I made a reservation. I made a reservation.
I
made
a
reservation
Do you have my Do you have my
Do
you
have
my
reservation? reservation?
reservation
Yes, we do. Unfortunately, Yes, we do. Unfortunately,
Yes
we
do
Unfortunately
we ran out of
of
X
cars. we ran out of cars.
we
ran
out
of
cars
But the reservation But the reservation
But
the
reservation
keeps the car here. keeps the car here.
keeps
the
car
here
That's why you have That's why you have
That's
why
you
have
the reservation. the reservation.
the
reservation
I know why we have I know why we have
I
know
why
we
have
reservations. reservations.
reservations
I don't think you do. I don't think you do.
I
don't
think
you
do
If you did, If you did,
If
you
did
I'd have a car. I'd have a car.
I'd
have
a
car
See, you know how to
to
X
take See, you know how to take
See
you
know
how
to
take
the reservation. the reservation.
the
reservation
You just don't know You just don't know
You
just
don't
know
how to
to
X
hold the reservation. how to hold the reservation.
how
to
hold
the
reservation
And that's really And that's really
And
that's
really
the most important part the most important part
the
most
important
part
of
of
X
the reservation, of the reservation,
of
the
reservation
the holding. the holding.
the
holding
Anybody can Anybody can
Anybody
can
just take them. just take them.
just
take
them
Let me speak Let me speak
Let
me
speak
with
with
X
my supervisor. with my supervisor.
with
my
supervisor
Well, here we go. Well, here we go.
Well
here
we
go
The supervisor. The supervisor.
The
supervisor
Know what she's saying Know what she's saying
Know
what
she's
saying
over
over
X
there? over there?
over
there
What? What?
What
"Hey, Marge, see "Hey, Marge, see
Hey
Marge
see
those two people? those two people?
those
two
people
"They think I'm talking to
to
X
you. "They think I'm talking to you.
They
think
I'm
talking
to
you
"So you pretend like
like
X
"So you pretend like
So
you
pretend
like
you're talking to
to
X
me. you're talking to me.
you're
talking
to
me
Okay, now you start Okay, now you start
Okay
now
you
start
talking." talking."
talking
"You mean like
like
X
this? So it "You mean like this? So it
You
mean
like
this
So
it
looks like
like
X
I'm saying something, looks like I'm saying something,
looks
like
I'm
saying
something
but
but
X
I'm not really but I'm not really
but
I'm
not
really
saying anything at
at
X
all?" saying anything at all?"
saying
anything
at
all
"Okay. Now you say something "Okay. Now you say something
Okay
Now
you
say
something
else, and they won't yell at
at
X
me, else, and they won't yell at me,
else
and
they
won't
yell
at
me
because they thought because they thought
because
they
thought
I was checking with
with
X
you." I was checking with you."
I
was
checking
with
you
"Okay, I think. I think that's "Okay, I think. I think that's
Okay
I
think
I
think
that's
enough. See you later." enough. See you later."
enough
See
you
later
I'm sorry. My supervisor says I'm sorry. My supervisor says
I'm
sorry
My
supervisor
says
there's nothing we can do. there's nothing we can do.
there's
nothing
we
can
do
Yeah, it looked like
like
X
you were in
in
X
Yeah, it looked like you were in
Yeah
it
looked
like
you
were
in
a real conversation over
over
X
there. a real conversation over there.
a
real
conversation
over
there
But we do have a compact But we do have a compact
But
we
do
have
a
compact
if you would like
like
X
that. if you would like that.
if
you
would
like
that
Fine. Fine.
Fine
All right. All right.
All
right
Well, we have a blue Ford Well, we have a blue Ford
Well
we
have
a
blue
Ford
Escort for
for
X
you, Mr. Seinfeld. Escort for you, Mr. Seinfeld.
Escort
for
you
Mr
Seinfeld
Would you like
like
X
insurance? Would you like insurance?
Would
you
like
insurance
Yeah, you better give me Yeah, you better give me
Yeah
you
better
give
me
the insurance, the insurance,
the
insurance
because I am gonna beat because I am gonna beat
because
I
am
gonna
beat
the hell out of
of
X
this thing. the hell out of this thing.
the
hell
out
of
this
thing
Please fill this out. Please fill this out.
Please
fill
this
out
So, what do you think? So, what do you think?
So
what
do
you
think
Do you think I'm making Do you think I'm making
Do
you
think
I'm
making
a big mistake? a big mistake?
a
big
mistake
Hey, if you enjoy being with
with
X
Hey, if you enjoy being with
Hey
if
you
enjoy
being
with
him, that's what's important. him, that's what's important.
him
that's
what's
important
I love being with
with
X
him. I love being with him.
I
love
being
with
him
I mean, I mean,
I
mean
I like
like
X
being with
with
X
him. I like being with him.
I
like
being
with
him
It's okay It's okay
It's
okay
being with
with
X
him. being with him.
being
with
him
I just don't enjoy I just don't enjoy
I
just
don't
enjoy
being with
with
X
him. being with him.
being
with
him
Well, that's Well, that's
Well
that's
what's important. what's important.
what's
important
I'm meeting him for
for
X
lunch I'm meeting him for lunch
I'm
meeting
him
for
lunch
at
at
X
Chadway's, around
around
X
the corner. at Chadway's, around the corner.
at
Chadway's
around
the
corner
Do I have to
to
X
break up
up
X
Do I have to break up
Do
I
have
to
break
up
with
with
X
him face to
to
X
face, with him face to face,
with
him
face
to
face
or can I just do or can I just do
or
can
I
just
do
it over
over
X
the phone? it over the phone?
it
over
the
phone
How many times have How many times have
How
many
times
have
you been out? you been out?
you
been
out
Seven. Seven.
Seven
Face to
to
X
face. Face to face.
Face
to
face
Seven dates Seven dates
Seven
dates
is a face- to
to
X
-face breakup? is a face-to-face breakup?
is
a
face-to-face
breakup
If it was six, If it was six,
If
it
was
six
I could've let you go. I could've let you go.
I
could've
let
you
go
But seven, I'm afraid, But seven, I'm afraid,
But
seven
I'm
afraid
is over
over
X
the limit. is over the limit.
is
over
the
limit
Unless, of
of
X
course, Unless, of course,
Unless
of
course
there was no sex. there was no sex.
there
was
no
sex
[HORNS HONKING, [HORNS HONKING,
HORNS
HONKING
CAR ALARMS WAILING OUTSIDE] CAR ALARMS WAILING OUTSIDE]
CAR
ALARMS
WAILING
OUTSIDE
Hmm. Hmm.
Hmm
How's the pasta How's the pasta
How's
the
pasta
over
over
X
there? over there?
over
there
Hey-- Whoa! Whoa! Hey-- Whoa! Whoa!
Hey-
Whoa
Whoa
What is going on
on
X
What is going on
What
is
going
on
out there? out there?
out
there
I need, like
like
X
, I need, like,
I
need
like
a bucket of
of
X
water. a bucket of water.
a
bucket
of
water
I got a car overheating. I got a car overheating.
I
got
a
car
overheating
I got an alarm I got an alarm
I
got
an
alarm
that won't go off
off
X
. that won't go off.
that
won't
go
off
I'm pressing one. I'm pressing one.
I'm
pressing
one
I'm pressing two. Nothing. I'm pressing two. Nothing.
I'm
pressing
two
Nothing
What do I do? What do I do?
What
do
I
do
Help me. Help me. Help me. Help me.
Help
me
Help
me
[KEYS JANGLE] [KEYS JANGLE]
KEYS
JANGLE
Hey, you know, Hey, you know,
Hey
you
know
they were supposed they were supposed
they
were
supposed
to do my scene today. to do my scene today.
to
do
my
scene
today
Today? Today?
Today
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah
You know, they told me You know, they told me
You
know
they
told
me
that they wanted me that they wanted me
that
they
wanted
me
to
to
X
walk down
down
X
the block carrying to walk down the block carrying
to
walk
down
the
block
carrying
this bag of
of
X
groceries. this bag of groceries.
this
bag
of
groceries
So I start to
to
X
walk, and I trip. So I start to walk, and I trip.
So
I
start
to
walk
and
I
trip
And the grocery bag goes flying And the grocery bag goes flying
And
the
grocery
bag
goes
flying
and Woody-- and Woody--
and
Woody-
Woody starts laughing. Woody starts laughing.
Woody
starts
laughing
[GASPS] [GASPS]
GASPS
He was laughing? He was laughing?
He
was
laughing
Oh, yeah. He was Oh, yeah. He was
Oh
yeah
He
was
drinking something. drinking something.
drinking
something
It started to
to
X
come It started to come
It
started
to
come
out of
of
X
his nose. out of his nose.
out
of
his
nose
So then what? So then what?
So
then
what
I got a line I got a line
I
got
a
line
in
in
X
the movie! in the movie!
in
the
movie
Get out! Get out!
Get
out
That's great. That's great.
That's
great
Ha, ha! Ha, ha!
Ha
ha
You got a line You got a line
You
got
a
line
in
in
X
a Woody Allen movie? in a Woody Allen movie?
in
a
Woody
Allen
movie
Pretty good, huh? Pretty good, huh?
Pretty
good
huh
You're in
in
X
You're in
You're
in
the movie? the movie?
the
movie
Is he in
in
X
the scene? Is he in the scene?
Is
he
in
the
scene
Oh yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, yeah.
Oh
yeah
yeah
It's me and him. It's me and him.
It's
me
and
him
I might have a whole new I might have a whole new
I
might
have
a
whole
new
career on
on
X
my hands, huh? career on my hands, huh?
career
on
my
hands
huh
You mean You mean
You
mean
"a career." "a career."
a
career
So was Mia Farrow there? So was Mia Farrow there?
So
was
Mia
Farrow
there
I didn't see him. I didn't see him.
I
didn't
see
him
What's your line? What's your line?
What's
your
line
Well, okay, I'm there Well, okay, I'm there
Well
okay
I'm
there
with
with
X
Woody, you know. with Woody, you know.
with
Woody
you
know
I'm at
at
X
this bar, I'm at this bar,
I'm
at
this
bar
and, uh, I'm sit-- and, uh, I'm sit--
and
uh
I'm
sit-
You know it's Woody Allen. You know it's Woody Allen.
You
know
it's
Woody
Allen
Did I mention that? Did I mention that?
Did
I
mention
that
We got it. We got it.
We
got
it
We got it. We got it.
We
got
it
And I'm sitting there And I'm sitting there
And
I'm
sitting
there
with
with
X
Woody, with Woody,
with
Woody
and I say-- and I say--
and
I
say-
I turn to
to
X
him and I go, I turn to him and I go,
I
turn
to
him
and
I
go
"Boy, these pretzels "Boy, these pretzels
Boy
these
pretzels
are making me thirsty." are making me thirsty."
are
making
me
thirsty
Is that how you're Is that how you're
Is
that
how
you're
gonna say it? gonna say it?
gonna
say
it
No, no. I'm working on
on
X
it. No, no. I'm working on it.
No
no
I'm
working
on
it
Do it like
like
X
this. Do it like this.
Do
it
like
this
"These pretzels are "These pretzels are
These
pretzels
are
making me thirsty" making me thirsty"
making
me
thirsty
No. No.
No
"These pretzels are "These pretzels are
These
pretzels
are
making me thirsty." making me thirsty."
making
me
thirsty
No, no. See, that's no good. No, no. See, that's no good.
No
no
See
that's
no
good
See, you don't know See, you don't know
See
you
don't
know
how to
to
X
act. how to act.
how
to
act
"These pretzels... "These pretzels...
These
pretzels
are making me thirsty!" are making me thirsty!"
are
making
me
thirsty
Oh, that was no good? Oh, that was no good?
Oh
that
was
no
good
I didn't I didn't
I
didn't
say anything. say anything.
say
anything
All right, I'm gonna go All right, I'm gonna go
All
right
I'm
gonna
go
break up
up
X
with
with
X
Owen. break up with Owen.
break
up
with
Owen
What was wrong What was wrong
What
was
wrong
with
with
X
that? with that?
with
that
I had a different I had a different
I
had
a
different
interpretation. interpretation.
interpretation
Do you know anything Do you know anything
Do
you
know
anything
about
about
X
this pretzel guy? about this pretzel guy?
about
this
pretzel
guy
Maybe he's been in
in
X
the bar Maybe he's been in the bar
Maybe
he's
been
in
the
bar
a really long time a really long time
a
really
long
time
and he's really depressed and he's really depressed
and
he's
really
depressed
because he has no job, because he has no job,
because
he
has
no
job
and no woman and no woman
and
no
woman
and he's parking cars and he's parking cars
and
he's
parking
cars
for
for
X
a living! for a living!
for
a
living
All right! All right! All right! All right!
All
right
All
right
Shut up
up
X
! Shut up
up
X
! Shut up! Shut up!
Shut
up
Shut
up
I hear you! I hear you!
I
hear
you
I'm coming down
down
X
! I'm coming down!
I'm
coming
down
These pretzels are These pretzels are
These
pretzels
are
making me thirsty! making me thirsty!
making
me
thirsty
Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah
[HONKING, WAILING [HONKING, WAILING
HONKING
WAILING
CONTINUE OUTSIDE] CONTINUE OUTSIDE]
CONTINUE
OUTSIDE
[LOUD KNOCKING] [LOUD KNOCKING]
LOUD
KNOCKING
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh
my
God
Call an ambulance. Call an ambulance.
Call
an
ambulance
Boy, Boy,
Boy
he took it hard. he took it hard.
he
took
it
hard
ELAINE: ELAINE:
ELAINE:
We were walking We were walking
We
were
walking
down
down
X
the block down the block
down
the
block
right by
by
X
your house, and I was right by your house, and I was
right
by
your
house
and
I
was
about
about
X
to
to
X
break up
up
X
with
with
X
him, about to break up with him,
about
to
break
up
with
him
and then all of
of
X
a sudden, and then all of a sudden,
and
then
all
of
a
sudden
he started to
to
X
twitch. he started to twitch.
he
started
to
twitch
Yes, I need an ambulance at
at
X
129 Yes, I need an ambulance at 129
Yes
I
need
an
ambulance
at
129
West 81st Street, Apartment 5A. West 81st Street, Apartment 5A.
West
81st
Street
Apartment
5A
Tell them to
to
X
hurry. Tell them to hurry.
Tell
them
to
hurry
Hurry! Hurry!
Hurry
It's an ambulance. It's an ambulance.
It's
an
ambulance
I don't know, I don't know,
I
don't
know
but
but
X
he's unconscious. but he's unconscious.
but
he's
unconscious
These pretzels These pretzels
These
pretzels
are making me thirsty! are making me thirsty!
are
making
me
thirsty
These pretzels These pretzels
These
pretzels
are making me thirsty! are making me thirsty!
are
making
me
thirsty
Kramer. Kramer.
Kramer
What happened What happened
What
happened
here? here?
here
I don't know. I don't know.
I
don't
know
What should we do? What should we do?
What
should
we
do
We called an ambulance. We called an ambulance.
We
called
an
ambulance
Does anyone know first aid? Does anyone know first aid?
Does
anyone
know
first
aid
Do something Do something
Do
something
with
with
X
the extremities. with the extremities.
with
the
extremities
What extremities? What extremities?
What
extremities
What's an extremity? What's an extremity?
What's
an
extremity
You raise the feet, You raise the feet,
You
raise
the
feet
get blood to
to
X
the head. get blood to the head.
get
blood
to
the
head
You raise the head, You raise the head,
You
raise
the
head
get blood to
to
X
the feet. get blood to the feet.
get
blood
to
the
feet
Okay, what about
about
X
Okay, what about
Okay
what
about
a cold compress? a cold compress?
a
cold
compress
They always do that. They always do that.
They
always
do
that
I don't have I don't have
I
don't
have
a washcloth. a washcloth.
a
washcloth
Use a paper towel. Use a paper towel.
Use
a
paper
towel
You can't put a paper You can't put a paper
You
can't
put
a
paper
towel on
on
X
his head. towel on his head.
towel
on
his
head
What about
about
X
What about
What
about
a big sponge? a big sponge?
a
big
sponge
How you gonna hold it on? How you gonna hold it on?
How
you
gonna
hold
it
on
Use a belt. Use a belt.
Use
a
belt
No, no, no. No, no, no.
No
no
no
That'll-- That'll--
That'll-
It'll drip It'll drip
It'll
drip
all over
over
X
him. all over him.
all
over
him
Should we Should we
Should
we
walk him around
around
X
? walk him around?
walk
him
around
I've seen I've seen
I've
seen
them do that. them do that.
them
do
that
No, that's for
for
X
No, that's for
No
that's
for
a drug overdose. a drug overdose.
a
drug
overdose
Maybe that's Maybe that's
Maybe
that's
what he's got. what he's got.
what
he's
got
No, I just had No, I just had
No
I
just
had
lunch with
with
X
him. lunch with him.
lunch
with
him
He didn't leave He didn't leave
He
didn't
leave
the table. the table.
the
table
Well, he could've dropped acid Well, he could've dropped acid
Well
he
could've
dropped
acid
when you weren't looking. when you weren't looking.
when
you
weren't
looking
He is not He is not
He
is
not
a drug addict. a drug addict.
a
drug
addict
Hey, maybe Hey, maybe
Hey
maybe
he's diabetic. he's diabetic.
he's
diabetic
He might just need He might just need
He
might
just
need
a cookie or something. a cookie or something.
a
cookie
or
something
A cookie! A cookie!
A
cookie
Can you give him a cookie? Can you give him a cookie?
Can
you
give
him
a
cookie
How's he gonna chew it? How's he gonna chew it?
How's
he
gonna
chew
it
We'll move his teeth. We'll move his teeth.
We'll
move
his
teeth
It happened to
to
X
my uncle. It happened to my uncle.
It
happened
to
my
uncle
The sugar The sugar
The
sugar
revived him. revived him.
revived
him
Careful, you're getting Careful, you're getting
Careful
you're
getting
crumbs all over
over
X
him. crumbs all over him.
crumbs
all
over
him
I've got him chewing, I've got him chewing,
I've
got
him
chewing
but
but
X
I don't think but I don't think
but
I
don't
think
he's gonna swallow. he's gonna swallow.
he's
gonna
swallow
Let's put a few cookies in
in
X
a Let's put a few cookies in a
Let's
put
a
few
cookies
in
a
blender and he could drink it. blender and he could drink it.
blender
and
he
could
drink
it
Cookies don't liquefy. Cookies don't liquefy.
Cookies
don't
liquefy
Yes they do. You can Yes they do. You can
Yes
they
do
You
can
liquefy a cookie. liquefy a cookie.
liquefy
a
cookie
I'll get I'll get
I'll
get
the blender. the blender.
the
blender
What? I don't What? I don't
What
I
don't
have a blender. have a blender.
have
a
blender
You've got a blender. You've got a blender.
You've
got
a
blender
I'd know I'd know
I'd
know
if I had a blender. if I had a blender.
if
I
had
a
blender
Where is Where is
Where
is
the ambulance? the ambulance?
the
ambulance
[TIRES SCREECHING] [TIRES SCREECHING]
TIRES
SCREECHING
[THUD, [THUD,
THUD
GLASS SHATTERS] GLASS SHATTERS]
GLASS
SHATTERS
Hello, yes. I called Hello, yes. I called
Hello
yes
I
called
for
for
X
an ambulance for an ambulance
for
an
ambulance
like
like
X
35 minutes ago. like 35 minutes ago.
like
35
minutes
ago
I can't believe I can't believe
I
can't
believe
what's going on
on
X
out here. what's going on out here.
what's
going
on
out
here
This is an emergency. This is an emergency.
This
is
an
emergency
What's taking so long? What's taking so long?
What's
taking
so
long
[INTERCOM BUZZES] [INTERCOM BUZZES]
INTERCOM
BUZZES
Wait a second. Wait a second.
Wait
a
second
Maybe that's them. Maybe that's them.
Maybe
that's
them
Hello. Hello.
Hello
MAN: Paramedics. MAN: Paramedics.
MAN:
Paramedics
Come on
on
X
up
up
X
. Come on up.
Come
on
up
Okay, they're here. Okay, they're here.
Okay
they're
here
He seems He seems
He
seems
to
to
X
be breathing. to be breathing.
to
be
breathing
[SIGHS] [SIGHS]
SIGHS
You know, You know,
You
know
I got to
to
X
tell you, I got to tell you,
I
got
to
tell
you
he's a pretty he's a pretty
he's
a
pretty
good-looking guy. good-looking guy.
good-looking
guy
I know. I know.
I
know
Those eyebrows could Those eyebrows could
Those
eyebrows
could
use a trimming. use a trimming.
use
a
trimming
You ever mention You ever mention
You
ever
mention
that to
to
X
him? that to him?
that
to
him
Almost. Almost.
Almost
I mean, because, I mean, because,
I
mean
because
come on
on
X
, come on,
come
on
they're running wild there. they're running wild there.
they're
running
wild
there
It's not an easy It's not an easy
It's
not
an
easy
thing to
to
X
bring up
up
X
. thing to bring up.
thing
to
bring
up
Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true.
Yeah
that's
true
You should see his bathrobe, You should see his bathrobe,
You
should
see
his
bathrobe
man. It's all silk. man. It's all silk.
man
It's
all
silk
Yeah. Does he Yeah. Does he
Yeah
Does
he
wear slippers? wear slippers?
wear
slippers
I bet he I bet he
I
bet
he
wears slippers. wears slippers.
wears
slippers
He does. He does.
He
does
How'd you know that? How'd you know that?
How'd
you
know
that
I could tell. I could tell.
I
could
tell
What happened? What happened?
What
happened
What took you so long? What took you so long?
What
took
you
so
long
We got here 20 minutes ago, We got here 20 minutes ago,
We
got
here
20
minutes
ago
but
but
X
we couldn't move. but we couldn't move.
but
we
couldn't
move
The whole intersection The whole intersection
The
whole
intersection
is gridlocked. is gridlocked.
is
gridlocked
I've never seen I've never seen
I've
never
seen
anything like
like
X
it. anything like it.
anything
like
it
Finally we make the turn, Finally we make the turn,
Finally
we
make
the
turn
and this guy who was running and this guy who was running
and
this
guy
who
was
running
around
around
X
triple-parking cars around triple-parking cars
around
triple-parking
cars
slammed into
into
X
us slammed into us
slammed
into
us
with
with
X
a blue Escort. with a blue Escort.
with
a
blue
Escort
Blue Escort? Blue Escort?
Blue
Escort
That's my rent-a-car! That's my rent-a-car!
That's
my
rent-a-car
GEORGE: Oh, man. GEORGE: Oh, man.
GEORGE:
Oh
man
What happened What happened
What
happened
to
to
X
the car? to the car?
to
the
car
I'm sorry. You don't know I'm sorry. You don't know
I'm
sorry
You
don't
know
what's going on
on
X
out there! what's going on out there!
what's
going
on
out
there
Who's he? Who's he?
Who's
he
This guy I'm seeing. This guy I'm seeing.
This
guy
I'm
seeing
GEORGE: What happened? GEORGE: What happened?
GEORGE:
What
happened
We don't know. We don't know.
We
don't
know
Who put cookies Who put cookies
Who
put
cookies
in
in
X
his mouth? in his mouth?
in
his
mouth
Cookies? Cookies?
Cookies
Cookies? Cookies?
Cookies
You're not supposed You're not supposed
You're
not
supposed
to
to
X
do that. to do that.
to
do
that
JERRY: JERRY:
JERRY:
So how'd you So how'd you
So
how'd
you
hit the car? hit the car?
hit
the
car
I was moving it I was moving it
I
was
moving
it
across
across
X
the street. across the street.
across
the
street
I looked up
up
X
and I saw I looked up and I saw
I
looked
up
and
I
saw
Woody Allen. Woody Allen.
Woody
Allen
I got all distracted. I got all distracted.
I
got
all
distracted
It's not even my car. It's not even my car.
It's
not
even
my
car
It's a rental. It's a rental.
It's
a
rental
What are you doing What are you doing
What
are
you
doing
out there? out there?
out
there
You're holding up
up
X
You're holding up
You're
holding
up
the production of
of
X
the movie. the production of the movie.
the
production
of
the
movie
We can't shoot, and Woody, We can't shoot, and Woody,
We
can't
shoot
and
Woody
he's really mad at
at
X
you. he's really mad at you.
he's
really
mad
at
you
Woody mentioned me? Woody mentioned me?
Woody
mentioned
me
What did he say? What did he say?
What
did
he
say
He said, "Who's the moron who's He said, "Who's the moron who's
He
said
Who's
the
moron
who's
got the street all screwed up
up
X
?" got the street all screwed up?"
got
the
street
all
screwed
up
Should I apologize to
to
X
Woody? Should I apologize to Woody?
Should
I
apologize
to
Woody
All right, All right,
All
right
I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what.
I'll
tell
you
what
Next time I talk to
to
X
him, Next time I talk to him,
Next
time
I
talk
to
him
maybe I'll bring it up
up
X
. maybe I'll bring it up.
maybe
I'll
bring
it
up
I'll feel him out. I'll feel him out.
I'll
feel
him
out
What do you think first aid What do you think first aid
What
do
you
think
first
aid
was like
like
X
hundreds of
of
X
years ago? was like hundreds of years ago?
was
like
hundreds
of
years
ago
You know, I mean, You know, I mean,
You
know
I
mean
they had no medicine, no drugs they had no medicine, no drugs
they
had
no
medicine
no
drugs
no technology, no equipment. no technology, no equipment.
no
technology
no
equipment
Basically, Basically,
Basically
they were there first. they were there first.
they
were
there
first
That was it. That was the whole That was it. That was the whole
That
was
it
That
was
the
whole
first aid. They sit with
with
X
you. first aid. They sit with you.
first
aid
They
sit
with
you
That's all they could do. That's all they could do.
That's
all
they
could
do
"Can you help me?" "Can you help me?"
Can
you
help
me
"No, we can't help you, "No, we can't help you,
No
we
can't
help
you
but
but
X
we were the first ones here. but we were the first ones here.
but
we
were
the
first
ones
here
"Did you see our truck? "Did you see our truck?
Did
you
see
our
truck
'First aid.' That's our motto. 'First aid.' That's our motto.
'First
aid'
That's
our
motto
[LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]
LAUGHTER
We show up
up
X
before
before
X
anybody." We show up before anybody."
We
show
up
before
anybody
You didn't You didn't
You
didn't
tell me tell me
tell
me
you didn't know you didn't know
you
didn't
know
how to
to
X
drive. how to drive.
how
to
drive
Should've mentioned that. Should've mentioned that.
Should've
mentioned
that
Well, I know how to
to
X
drive. Well, I know how to drive.
Well
I
know
how
to
drive
Then how did all those cars Then how did all those cars
Then
how
did
all
those
cars
get damaged? get damaged?
get
damaged
Why are people calling me up
up
X
, Why are people calling me up,
Why
are
people
calling
me
up
screaming on the phone? screaming on the phone?
screaming
on
the
phone
Most of
of
X
them Most of them
Most
of
them
canceled out on
on
X
me. canceled out on me.
canceled
out
on
me
Can I get anybody anything? Can I get anybody anything?
Can
I
get
anybody
anything
Moving cars from
from
X
one side Moving cars from one side
Moving
cars
from
one
side
of
of
X
the street to
to
X
the other of the street to the other
of
the
street
to
the
other
don't take no more sense don't take no more sense
don't
take
no
more
sense
than
than
X
putting on
on
X
a pair of
of
X
pants. than putting on a pair of pants.
than
putting
on
a
pair
of
pants
My question to
to
X
you is: My question to you is:
My
question
to
you
is:
Who's putting your pants on
on
X
? Who's putting your pants on?
Who's
putting
your
pants
on
I put my pants on
on
X
, Sid. I put my pants on, Sid.
I
put
my
pants
on
Sid
I don't believe you. I don't believe you.
I
don't
believe
you
You can put your pants on
on
X
, You can put your pants on,
You
can
put
your
pants
on
you can move those cars. you can move those cars.
you
can
move
those
cars
I don't want to get into
into
X
I don't want to get into
I
don't
want
to
get
into
a big dispute about
about
X
the pants. a big dispute about the pants.
a
big
dispute
about
the
pants
Who's gonna send money Who's gonna send money
Who's
gonna
send
money
to
to
X
my sister in Virginia? to my sister in Virginia?
to
my
sister
in
Virginia
Her little boy Her little boy
Her
little
boy
needs surgery on
on
X
his foot. needs surgery on his foot.
needs
surgery
on
his
foot
Now he gonna be walking around
around
X
Now he gonna be walking around
Now
he
gonna
be
walking
around
with
with
X
a limp, with a limp,
with
a
limp
because you can't park because you can't park
because
you
can't
park
a few cars. a few cars.
a
few
cars
Maybe I could call Maybe I could call
Maybe
I
could
call
my father. my father.
my
father
Hey, you seen Hey, you seen
Hey
you
seen
the paper yet? the paper yet?
the
paper
yet
Interestingly enough, no, Interestingly enough, no,
Interestingly
enough
no
inasmuch as inasmuch as
inasmuch
as
it is my paper. it is my paper.
it
is
my
paper
Look there. Look there.
Look
there
There's an article There's an article
There's
an
article
about
about
X
that writer. about that writer.
about
that
writer
"Owen March, prominent author "Owen March, prominent author
Owen
March
prominent
author
and essayist, and essayist,
and
essayist
"suffered a stroke "suffered a stroke
suffered
a
stroke
yesterday yesterday
yesterday
in
in
X
the Upper West Side in the Upper West Side
in
the
Upper
West
Side
apartment of
of
X
a friend." apartment of a friend."
apartment
of
a
friend
That's the guy that was here. That's the guy that was here.
That's
the
guy
that
was
here
You're the friend. You're the friend.
You're
the
friend
Thanks. "The extent Thanks. "The extent
Thanks
The
extent
of
of
X
the damage would've been of the damage would've been
of
the
damage
would've
been
far less severe had paramedics far less severe had paramedics
far
less
severe
had
paramedics
been able to
to
X
reach him sooner." been able to reach him sooner."
been
able
to
reach
him
sooner
Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord.
Oh
Lord
"The commotion also "The commotion also
The
commotion
also
delayed production delayed production
delayed
production
of
of
X
a Woody Allen movie of a Woody Allen movie
of
a
Woody
Allen
movie
that was shooting up
up
X
the block. that was shooting up the block.
that
was
shooting
up
the
block
A spokeswoman A spokeswoman
A
spokeswoman
for
for
X
the legendary filmmaker for the legendary filmmaker
for
the
legendary
filmmaker
said that Mr. Allen said that Mr. Allen
said
that
Mr
Allen
was extremely agitated was extremely agitated
was
extremely
agitated
and wondered if his days and wondered if his days
and
wondered
if
his
days
of
of
X
shooting movies in New York of shooting movies in New York
of
shooting
movies
in
New
York
were over
over
X
." were over."
were
over
Five seconds. Five seconds.
Five
seconds
Jerry, I was five seconds away Jerry, I was five seconds away
Jerry
I
was
five
seconds
away
from
from
X
breaking up
up
X
with
with
X
him. from breaking up with him.
from
breaking
up
with
him
Five seconds! The next Five seconds! The next
Five
seconds
The
next
words out of
of
X
my mouth were, words out of my mouth were,
words
out
of
my
mouth
were
"Owen, it's over
over
X
." "Owen, it's over."
Owen
it's
over
Can he communicate? Can he communicate?
Can
he
communicate
Yeah. Well, he nods. Yeah. Well, he nods.
Yeah
Well
he
nods
And I think And I think
And
I
think
he understands me. he understands me.
he
understands
me
He seems to
to
X
enjoy it He seems to enjoy it
He
seems
to
enjoy
it
when I read to
to
X
him. when I read to him.
when
I
read
to
him
Phew. Phew.
Phew
All right, she's free. All right, she's free.
All
right
she's
free
Hi, I called before
before
X
. Hi, I called before.
Hi
I
called
before
My car got smashed. My car got smashed.
My
car
got
smashed
So, listen, So, listen,
So
listen
what should I do? what should I do?
what
should
I
do
I mean, if I break up
up
X
I mean, if I break up
I
mean
if
I
break
up
with
with
X
him now, with him now,
with
him
now
it'll look like
like
X
I'm abandoning it'll look like I'm abandoning
it'll
look
like
I'm
abandoning
him because of
of
X
his condition. him because of his condition.
him
because
of
his
condition
I'll be ostracized I'll be ostracized
I'll
be
ostracized
from
from
X
the community. from the community.
from
the
community
What community? What community?
What
community
There's a community? There's a community?
There's
a
community
Of course there's Of course there's
Of
course
there's
a community. a community.
a
community
All these years, I'm living All these years, I'm living
All
these
years
I'm
living
in
in
X
a community, I had no idea. in a community, I had no idea.
in
a
community
I
had
no
idea
Sir, the estimate on
on
X
the damage Sir, the estimate on the damage
Sir
the
estimate
on
the
damage
to
to
X
your car is $2866. to your car is $2866.
to
your
car
is
2866
Ooh, well, I got the insurance Ooh, well, I got the insurance
Ooh
well
I
got
the
insurance
and everything, so, you know. and everything, so, you know.
and
everything
so
you
know
Yes. In your report, you said Yes. In your report, you said
Yes
In
your
report
you
said
you were not the driver you were not the driver
you
were
not
the
driver
at
at
X
the time of
of
X
the accident. at the time of the accident.
at
the
time
of
the
accident
That is right. That is right.
That
is
right
Somebody else was driving. Somebody else was driving.
Somebody
else
was
driving
All right, well, sir, All right, well, sir,
All
right
well
sir
you're only covered you're only covered
you're
only
covered
for
for
X
when you're for when you're
for
when
you're
driving the car. driving the car.
driving
the
car
Mm-hm. What's that? Mm-hm. What's that?
Mm-hm
What's
that
You're not covered You're not covered
You're
not
covered
for
for
X
other drivers. for other drivers.
for
other
drivers
Other drivers? Other drivers?
Other
drivers
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Mm-hm
Your whole business is based Your whole business is based
Your
whole
business
is
based
on
on
X
other drivers. on other drivers.
on
other
drivers
It's a rented car. It's a rented car.
It's
a
rented
car
That's who's driving it. That's who's driving it.
That's
who's
driving
it
Other drivers. Other drivers.
Other
drivers
Doesn't my credit card Doesn't my credit card
Doesn't
my
credit
card
cover me or something? cover me or something?
cover
me
or
something
Not that Not that
Not
that
particular one. particular one.
particular
one
I got a hundred cards. I got a hundred cards.
I
got
a
hundred
cards
Here, here. Pick a card. Here, here. Pick a card.
Here
here
Pick
a
card
Take any card you want. Take any card you want.
Take
any
card
you
want
Go ahead. Whichever one. Go ahead. Whichever one.
Go
ahead
Whichever
one
I don't care. I don't care.
I
don't
care
Really, sir, if you had read Really, sir, if you had read
Really
sir
if
you
had
read
the rental agreement-- the rental agreement--
the
rental
agreement-
Did you see the size Did you see the size
Did
you
see
the
size
of
of
X
that document? of that document?
of
that
document
It's like
like
X
the Declaration It's like the Declaration
It's
like
the
Declaration
of
of
X
Independence. of Independence.
of
Independence
Who's gonna read that? Who's gonna read that?
Who's
gonna
read
that
Mr. Seinfeld, Mr. Seinfeld,
Mr
Seinfeld
as
as
X
it stands right now, as it stands right now,
as
it
stands
right
now
you are not covered you are not covered
you
are
not
covered
for
for
X
that damage for that damage
for
that
damage
and there is absolutely nothing and there is absolutely nothing
and
there
is
absolutely
nothing
that can be done about
about
X
that. that can be done about that.
that
can
be
done
about
that
These pretzels These pretzels
These
pretzels
are making me thirsty. are making me thirsty.
are
making
me
thirsty
Ahhh. It's good, Ahhh. It's good,
Ahhh
It's
good
isn't it? isn't it?
isn't
it
Yankee bean. Yankee bean.
Yankee
bean
Why "Yankee" bean, huh? Why "Yankee" bean, huh?
Why
Yankee
bean
huh
Don't they have beans Don't they have beans
Don't
they
have
beans
in
in
X
the South? in the South?
in
the
South
I mean, if you order Yankee bean I mean, if you order Yankee bean
I
mean
if
you
order
Yankee
bean
in
in
X
the South, are they offended? in the South, are they offended?
in
the
South
are
they
offended
Huh? Huh?
Huh
[LAUGHS] [LAUGHS]
LAUGHS
♪ Yankee bean ♪ Yankee bean
Yankee
bean
Yankee bean ♪ Yankee bean ♪
Yankee
bean
♪ I like
like
X
my Yankee ♪ ♪ I like my Yankee ♪
I
like
my
Yankee
♪ Bean ♪ ♪ Bean ♪
Bean
[SIGHS] [SIGHS]
SIGHS
[CLEARS THROAT] [CLEARS THROAT]
CLEARS
THROAT
Owen... Owen...
Owen
I think we have to
to
X
talk. I think we have to talk.
I
think
we
have
to
talk
I mean, uh, I have to
to
X
talk. I mean, uh, I have to talk.
I
mean
uh
I
have
to
talk
It would be nice if we could, It would be nice if we could,
It
would
be
nice
if
we
could
but
but
X
, you know, whatever. but, you know, whatever.
but
you
know
whatever
Um... Um...
Um
Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong.
Don't
get
me
wrong
I like
like
X
coming here I like coming here
I
like
coming
here
and feeding you and feeding you
and
feeding
you
and cleaning a little, and cleaning a little,
and
cleaning
a
little
and paying your bills. and paying your bills.
and
paying
your
bills
I mean, that's good stuff. I mean, that's good stuff.
I
mean
that's
good
stuff
Good stuff. Good stuff.
Good
stuff
[CLEARS THROAT] [CLEARS THROAT]
CLEARS
THROAT
I have a wonderful time I have a wonderful time
I
have
a
wonderful
time
when I'm with
with
X
you. Wonderful! when I'm with you. Wonderful!
when
I'm
with
you
Wonderful
But at
at
X
this point in my life, But at this point in my life,
But
at
this
point
in
my
life
I'm not really sure I'm not really sure
I'm
not
really
sure
that I'm ready to
to
X
make that I'm ready to make
that
I'm
ready
to
make
a commitment to
to
X
one person. a commitment to one person.
a
commitment
to
one
person
I'm just not really sure I'm just not really sure
I'm
just
not
really
sure
that we have enough in
in
X
common. that we have enough in common.
that
we
have
enough
in
common
I mean, for
for
X
example: I mean, for example:
I
mean
for
example:
I like
like
X
running in the park, I like running in the park,
I
like
running
in
the
park
bicycling, bicycling,
bicycling
roller-skating, roller-skating,
roller-skating
tennis and, uh, skiing. tennis and, uh, skiing.
tennis
and
uh
skiing
And, um, well, And, um, well,
And
um
well
I'm gonna be brutally I'm gonna be brutally
I'm
gonna
be
brutally
honest with
with
X
you now. honest with you now.
honest
with
you
now
It's a bitch to
to
X
get here. It's a bitch to get here.
It's
a
bitch
to
get
here
It's two subways. It's two subways.
It's
two
subways
I have to
to
X
transfer at
at
X
42nd I have to transfer at 42nd
I
have
to
transfer
at
42nd
Street to
to
X
take the double-R. Street to take the double-R.
Street
to
take
the
double-R
Anyway, I mean, this doesn't Anyway, I mean, this doesn't
Anyway
I
mean
this
doesn't
mean we can't be friends. mean we can't be friends.
mean
we
can't
be
friends
These pretzels These pretzels
These
pretzels
are making me thirsty. are making me thirsty.
are
making
me
thirsty
Can you die Can you die
Can
you
die
from
from
X
an odor? from an odor?
from
an
odor
I mean, like
like
X
, if you were locked I mean, like, if you were locked
I
mean
like
if
you
were
locked
in
in
X
a vomitorium for
for
X
two weeks in a vomitorium for two weeks
in
a
vomitorium
for
two
weeks
could you actually die could you actually die
could
you
actually
die
from
from
X
the odor? from the odor?
from
the
odor
An overdose of
of
X
odor. An overdose of odor.
An
overdose
of
odor
Good question. Good question.
Good
question
Do I smell? Do I smell?
Do
I
smell
No, no, no. I was just down
down
X
No, no, no. I was just down
No
no
no
I
was
just
down
at
at
X
the 42nd Street subway today. at the 42nd Street subway today.
at
the
42nd
Street
subway
today
It is disgusting. It is disgusting.
It
is
disgusting
Guess who I bumped Guess who I bumped
Guess
who
I
bumped
into
into
X
? Owen. into? Owen.
into
Owen
Ah. Ah.
Ah
He's all right? He's all right?
He's
all
right
Yeah, he's almost Yeah, he's almost
Yeah
he's
almost
fully recovered. fully recovered.
fully
recovered
Told me he was just Told me he was just
Told
me
he
was
just
using me for
for
X
sex. using me for sex.
using
me
for
sex
Let me get that. Let me get that.
Let
me
get
that
No, no, no. No, no, no.
No
no
no
I got it. I got it.
I
got
it
Please. Please.
Please
Come on
on
X
. Let me. Come on. Let me.
Come
on
Let
me
I smashed your car. I smashed your car.
I
smashed
your
car
It cost you It cost you
It
cost
you
over
over
X
2000 dollars. over 2000 dollars.
over
2000
dollars
Yeah, a cup of coffee Yeah, a cup of coffee
Yeah
a
cup
of
coffee
should cover it. should cover it.
should
cover
it
Oh, man. Oh, man.
Oh
man
What are you What are you
What
are
you
doing here? doing here?
doing
here
I got fired I got fired
I
got
fired
from
from
X
the movie. from the movie.
from
the
movie
Get out of
of
X
here. What? Get out of here. What?
Get
out
of
here
What
What? What?
What
Well, you know, they were Well, you know, they were
Well
you
know
they
were
gonna shoot it today. gonna shoot it today.
gonna
shoot
it
today
We rehearsed it twice, and We rehearsed it twice, and
We
rehearsed
it
twice
and
then Woody yells, "Action." then Woody yells, "Action."
then
Woody
yells
Action
I turn to
to
X
him I turn to him
I
turn
to
him
and I say, and I say,
and
I
say
[IN UNISON] [IN UNISON]
IN
UNISON
"These pretzels are "These pretzels are
These
pretzels
are
making me thirsty." making me thirsty."
making
me
thirsty
Right. Right.
Right
Then I took Then I took
Then
I
took
a swig of
of
X
beer a swig of beer
a
swig
of
beer
and I slammed the glass and I slammed the glass
and
I
slammed
the
glass
down
down
X
on
on
X
the bar, down on the bar,
down
on
the
bar
and it shattered. and it shattered.
and
it
shattered
Ohhh. Ohhh.
Ohhh
Well, one of
of
X
the pieces Well, one of the pieces
Well
one
of
the
pieces
must've hit Woody, must've hit Woody,
must've
hit
Woody
and he started crying. and he started crying.
and
he
started
crying
And he yells out, And he yells out,
And
he
yells
out
"I'm bleeding," and he runs off
off
X
. "I'm bleeding," and he runs off.
I'm
bleeding
and
he
runs
off
Anyway, this woman, she came up
up
X
Anyway, this woman, she came up
Anyway
this
woman
she
came
up
to
to
X
me, and she says, to me, and she says,
to
me
and
she
says
"You're fired." "You're fired."
You're
fired
Boy, I really Boy, I really
Boy
I
really
nailed that scene. nailed that scene.
nailed
that
scene
Oh, wait a-- Oh, wait a--
Oh
wait
a-
Oh. Oh, for
for
X
crying Oh. Oh, for crying
Oh
Oh
for
crying
out loud. out loud.
out
loud
[♪♪♪] [♪♪♪]
The best part of
of
X
a relationship The best part of a relationship
The
best
part
of
a
relationship
is when you're sick. is when you're sick.
is
when
you're
sick
And the best part of
of
X
being sick And the best part of being sick
And
the
best
part
of
being
sick
is when you're is when you're
is
when
you're
in
in
X
a relationship. in a relationship.
in
a
relationship
But if I was to
to
X
get married, But if I was to get married,
But
if
I
was
to
get
married
you know those vows, you know those vows,
you
know
those
vows
" for
for
X
richer or for
for
X
poorer, "for richer or for poorer,
for
richer
or
for
poorer
for
for
X
better or for
for
X
worse." for better or for worse."
for
better
or
for
worse
All I need is the sickness. All I need is the sickness.
All
I
need
is
the
sickness
That is the most important one. That is the most important one.
That
is
the
most
important
one
"Do you take this man "Do you take this man
Do
you
take
this
man
in
in
X
sickness?" in sickness?"
in
sickness
That's the only time That's the only time
That's
the
only
time
I need somebody there. I need somebody there.
I
need
somebody
there
The rest of
of
X
the time, go out, The rest of the time, go out,
The
rest
of
the
time
go
out
have a ball. have a ball.
have
a
ball
Do whatever you want. Do whatever you want.
Do
whatever
you
want
But if I get the sniffles, But if I get the sniffles,
But
if
I
get
the
sniffles
you better be there. you better be there.
you
better
be
there
[♪♪♪] [♪♪♪]

/

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