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All of us, from a very early age, are told how to live our lives.
All
of
us
from
a
very
early
age
are
told
how
to
live
our
lives
We're given stories about what the perfect life looks like
We're
given
stories
about
what
the
perfect
life
looks
like
and some of those stories work for some people some of the time
and
some
of
those
stories
work
for
some
people
some
of
the
time
but not all of us all of the time.
but
not
all
of
us
all
of
the
time
There's no checklist that each of us should tick off
There's
no
checklist
that
each
of
us
should
tick
off
in order to live a perfect life.
in
order
to
live
a
perfect
life
One of the myths is that being rich will make you happy.
One
of
the
myths
is
that
being
rich
will
make
you
happy
It's certainly true that being poor makes you miserable.
It's
certainly
true
that
being
poor
makes
you
miserable
Once you get to about £30-40,000 a year
Once
you
get
to
about
30-40000
a
year
certainly £50,000 at most,
certainly
50000
at
most
you've probably reached the peak of happiness by income.
you've
probably
reached
the
peak
of
happiness
by
income
And actually more money after that point
And
actually
more
money
after
that
point
might not just make you no happier
might
not
just
make
you
no
happier
but actually might make you more miserable.
but
actually
might
make
you
more
miserable
It's addictive.
It's
addictive
You get sucked in and you need more and more and more to be happy.
You
get
sucked
in
and
you
need
more
and
more
and
more
to
be
happy
So the best approach is not to say: "more please"
So
the
best
approach
is
not
to
say:
more
please
but just to say: "just enough".
but
just
to
say:
just
enough
Another myth is that you need a successful career to be happy.
Another
myth
is
that
you
need
a
successful
career
to
be
happy
You certainly need some status in your life
You
certainly
need
some
status
in
your
life
but again, you can become addicted and get too much.
but
again
you
can
become
addicted
and
get
too
much
It's interesting that the jobs we're told to aspire to,
It's
interesting
that
the
jobs
we're
told
to
aspire
to
being a banker, being a lawyer,
being
a
banker
being
a
lawyer
actually don’t make people that happy.
actually
don’t
make
people
that
happy
Certainly no happier than being a hairdresser or a florist
Certainly
no
happier
than
being
a
hairdresser
or
a
florist
where some of the evidence suggests
where
some
of
the
evidence
suggests
that people working in those jobs are actually happier.
that
people
working
in
those
jobs
are
actually
happier
Now, it might be that happier people go into those jobs in the first place
Now
it
might
be
that
happier
people
go
into
those
jobs
in
the
first
place
but there are important dimensions and attributes of those jobs
but
there
are
important
dimensions
and
attributes
of
those
jobs
that lend themselves to being happy.
that
lend
themselves
to
being
happy
You're working with people that you like being with,
You're
working
with
people
that
you
like
being
with
you can see the fruits of your labour,
you
can
see
the
fruits
of
your
labour
all of these things are good characteristics of a good job
all
of
these
things
are
good
characteristics
of
a
good
job
a good job insofar as it makes you feel good
a
good
job
insofar
as
it
makes
you
feel
good
and not just how much you earn and how much status you have in it.
and
not
just
how
much
you
earn
and
how
much
status
you
have
in
it
One of the things that we need to achieve
One
of
the
things
that
we
need
to
achieve
in order to lead the perfect life
in
order
to
lead
the
perfect
life
is to fall in love by finding 'the one'.
is
to
fall
in
love
by
finding
'the
one'
What nonsense.
What
nonsense
First of all, 'the one' doesn't exist. There's many 'the ones'
First
of
all
'the
one'
doesn't
exist
There's
many
'the
ones'
There's many people that would be perfectly suitable for you.
There's
many
people
that
would
be
perfectly
suitable
for
you
Once you've found them,
Once
you've
found
them
the idea that you should be in love with them,
the
idea
that
you
should
be
in
love
with
them
passionate love with them, forever,
passionate
love
with
them
forever
is actually dysfunctional.
is
actually
dysfunctional
Passionate love, in any normally functioning relationship
Passionate
love
in
any
normally
functioning
relationship
dies after a year or two
dies
after
a
year
or
two
and that turns to companionate love
and
that
turns
to
companionate
love
and that's healthy because it enables you to then move on
and
that's
healthy
because
it
enables
you
to
then
move
on
and do things in life,
and
do
things
in
life
maybe have children, pursue projects.
maybe
have
children
pursue
projects
Passion ought to die in functional relationships.
Passion
ought
to
die
in
functional
relationships
It’s a massive story that you should still be
It’s
a
massive
story
that
you
should
still
be
in passionate love with someone after a decade or two.
in
passionate
love
with
someone
after
a
decade
or
two
You should be in love with them, but in a slightly different way.
You
should
be
in
love
with
them
but
in
a
slightly
different
way
One of the stories that we're told from a very early age
One
of
the
stories
that
we're
told
from
a
very
early
age
is that we need to get married.
is
that
we
need
to
get
married
It's the checklist of things that you need achieve in order to grow up.
It's
the
checklist
of
things
that
you
need
achieve
in
order
to
grow
up
Well again, marriage can make some people happy, some of the time
Well
again
marriage
can
make
some
people
happy
some
of
the
time
but not all of the people all of the time.
but
not
all
of
the
people
all
of
the
time
One of the things that a fully-fledged grown-up does
One
of
the
things
that
a
fully-fledged
grown-up
does
is have children, right?
is
have
children
right
That's what people are expected to do.
That's
what
people
are
expected
to
do
And it's true that many people want children,
And
it's
true
that
many
people
want
children
of course many people have children,
of
course
many
people
have
children
but some people don’t want them.
but
some
people
don’t
want
them
One of the things that's expected of us when we have children
One
of
the
things
that's
expected
of
us
when
we
have
children
is that our children will make us happy,
is
that
our
children
will
make
us
happy
not just some of the time but all of the time.
not
just
some
of
the
time
but
all
of
the
time
The evidence tells us, quite clearly I think,
The
evidence
tells
us
quite
clearly
I
think
that children do bring us moments of joy,
that
children
do
bring
us
moments
of
joy
they can also feel quite purposeful
they
can
also
feel
quite
purposeful
but they bring long periods of stress, anxiety and worry
but
they
bring
long
periods
of
stress
anxiety
and
worry
that wouldn't have happened had you not had them.
that
wouldn't
have
happened
had
you
not
had
them
And that's fine, that's what children do.
And
that's
fine
that's
what
children
do
The myth of these stories
The
myth
of
these
stories
is that everybody needs to lead the same life.
is
that
everybody
needs
to
lead
the
same
life
It leads us to judge other people
It
leads
us
to
judge
other
people
that live their lives differently to us and we shouldn't.
that
live
their
lives
differently
to
us
and
we
shouldn't
Each of us needs to find our own route to happiness.
Each
of
us
needs
to
find
our
own
route
to
happiness
There's no one-size-fits-all narrative.
There's
no
one-size-fits-all
narrative
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