Watch and Learn - met gala

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i can't remember the last time i took a

bath

it's probably been you know

three or four years since i've taken a

bath or at least since i can remember

taking a bath i'm naked and i'm

genuinely terrified that there's some

way that you can see my naked body right

now

like i'm scared that there's like a

reflection somewhere that i'm unaware of

but what are you gonna do i'm in the

bathtub because

in two days

i'm about to go to

the most

terrifying but exciting event

that i've ever been to in two days i'm

going to my first

met gala which is just

unfathomable for me ever since i became

aware of what the met gala was it's been

one of those things that

was so fascinating to me the mecca to me

has always seemed like something that

was completely unattainable for me like

in no universe did i ever

the Met never even remotely crossed

my mind as a possibility

ever i'm going in two days but i do not

believe it i'm completely in denial i

don't even know what i'm supposed to be

feeling i'm not nervous it's more just

like fear of the unknown

but i'm not nervous about it

i had no idea how

much [ __ ] i would have to get done

much __ i would have to get done

fittings you know meetings like all this

[ __ ] like it's crazy it's crazy and i

__ like it's crazy it's crazy and i

still have not

fully

comprehended the fact that i'm going to

this event i've been running around so

much you know doing last-minute stuff to

prepare that like my entire body

just hurts which is why i'm in the tub i

just had my final fitting

tonight where

tried on my dress for the last time

before i'm going to wear it at the event

and

i'm obsessed with it i just literally

don't even know what to think or what to

say

about this it just doesn't feel like a

real thing that's gonna happen to me my

brain is a literal

of mashed potatoes right now like my

brain is

literally oatmeal right now if you were

to cut open my head right now you would

find

baby food being somebody who struggles

with anxiety i'm

very frightened by the fact that i don't

have anxiety about going to the met gala

that makes no sense i almost feel like

there's something wrong with me because

i'm not panicking about it it's bizarre

the plot twist of the whole thing is

that i'm going to the event of course

but i'm also

interviewing other guests

for youtube and vogue while i'm there i

feel like that should make me really

scared but for some reason i'm not

why am i not nervous i almost just

literally

ate [ __ ] in the bathtub throughout my

ate __ in the bathtub throughout my

experience being on the internet and

doing the whole thing there's been so

many parts of it that i just can't

comprehend and like this is obviously

one of them but even just you know the

entire concept of my

life sometimes i struggle to comprehend

and i think that my brain instead of

trying to comprehend it just turns a

little numb

and i think that that's what's happening

right now can you tell how [ __ ] tired

right now can you tell how __ tired

i am looking to me in my eyes right now

tell me i'm not tired

the reason why i'm tired is because i'm

jet lagged

because i was in paris and then i came

here and i'm sleep deprived and jet

lagged

and confused and i haven't known what

day of the week it was for the past week

i could not tell you i could not tell

you i think it's saturday right now

people are probably out on the town

town right now

celebrating the weekend

but here's me in the bathtub because i

don't even know what day of the week it

is life is a highway

and i'm going to ride it

all night long

all right i'm getting out of the bath

now

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i can't sleep as i said earlier i'm not

nervous

but

i'm just excited

tomorrow's going to be an extremely busy

day and like i am going to be going from

7 a.m

7 am

to like 10 p.m and i'm starting to get

to like 10 pm and i'm starting to get

freaked out right because it's like okay

it is one in the morning

i'm not sleeping yet

[ __ ] i mean i'll be fine that's

__ i mean i'll be fine that's

literally what coffee is for

also i keep talking with my hands

because i got my nails done they're also

extremely long let's talk about that for

a second i

can't do anything with these

i have no idea how i'm gonna wipe my ass

genuinely and i actually have to pee a

little bit so i'm gonna go pee and i'm

gonna wipe my ass and i'm gonna come

back and i'm gonna tell you how it goes

okay it was actually completely fine

somehow me peeing just now was like the

easiest thing i've done since i've

gotten these nails done tomorrow's the

[ __ ] day you guys like we're doing it

__ day you guys like we're doing it

there's no backing out now we're in it

we're in it to win it i think the

biggest thing is that i'm i'm definitely

kind of emotionally exhausted right

because it's kind of all i've been

thinking about even though i'm very

excited about it and there's like no

negative feelings about it whatsoever

it's still like

weirdly emotionally exhausting to be

like so hyper fixated on like one event

it takes a lot of energy to like fixate

on something that hard everything that

i've been doing every day

has revolved around tomorrow

i'm honestly setting my alarm for 6 30

so that i can have a nice morning to

myself that's like relaxing and

relatively meditative will i wake up at

6 30.

6 30

thank you for calling room service by

john george at the mark we are currently

assisting other guests please stay on

the line and someone will be with you

shortly

thank you for calling room service by

john so we're not ordering coffee this

morning so i thought i was gonna like

wake up early this morning and do a

whole thing wake up at like 6 a.m get

whole thing wake up at like 6 am get

out of bed wash my face go get coffee

you know walk around the city [ __ ] no

you know walk around the city __ no

none of that happened uh i need a coffee

now

right now

yes thank you

thank you

this is [ __ ] embarrassing

this is __ embarrassing

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getting married this is literally my

marriage

i'm marrying myself tonight

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that's [ __ ] crazy

that's __ crazy

that i don't even feel

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i feel sick okay i think we should start

to then yes

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look

but they took one of her leaning note

this she was like leaning dances, and

this she was like leaning dances and

vogue took it and like they look at look

at that mask

oh my god we have to see the one

i'm wearing pjs for the after party

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