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[Music]
Music
It's been a tough week for America. No
It's been a tough week for America No
matter what side of the aisle you've
matter what side of the aisle you've
been on, we have all been processing
been on we have all been processing
what happened to Charlie Kirk and what's
what happened to Charlie Kirk and what's
happened since. Honestly, I don't even
happened since Honestly I don't even
know if I have the right words for this.
know if I have the right words for this
But I do take comfort in knowing that
But I do take comfort in knowing that
I'm not the only one who can't seem to
I'm not the only one who can't seem to
find the right words.
find the right words
>> Coach, how are you holding up over the
>> Coach how are you holding up over the
last three and a half years? I think
last three and a half years I think
very good. And by the way, right there
very good And by the way right there
you see all the trucks. They've just
you see all the trucks They've just
started construction of the new ball for
started construction of the new ball for
the White House, which is something
the White House which is something
they've been trying to get, as you know,
they've been trying to get as you know
for about 150 years. And it's going to
for about 150 years And it's going to
be a beauty. It'll be a absolutely
be a beauty It'll be a absolutely
magnificent structure.
magnificent structure
>> Well, we all grieve in our own way.
>> Well we all grieve in our own way
To be fair to Trump, he is an old man.
To be fair to Trump he is an old man
And when an old man wants to tell a
And when an old man wants to tell a
story, it doesn't matter what you asked
story it doesn't matter what you asked
him about.
him about
Uncle Marty, you want some coffee? You
Uncle Marty you want some coffee You
know my dentist is an Asian lady.
know my dentist is an Asian lady
She dyed her hair pink. I told her, "You
She dyed her hair pink I told her You
look disgusting."
look disgusting
But while the president is retreating
But while the president is retreating
into home renovations, the internet has
into home renovations the internet has
been processing Kirk's death in a
been processing Kirk's death in a
different way. If you've been on social
different way If you've been on social
media over the past week, you've
media over the past week you've
probably seen some pretty shocking
probably seen some pretty shocking
reactions to a public figure getting
reactions to a public figure getting
assassinated. There was celebration.
assassinated There was celebration
There was mockery. Honestly, I found a
There was mockery Honestly I found a
lot of it so disturbing I almost went
lot of it so disturbing I almost went
back to threads.
back to threads
I mean, I didn't. Nothing could make me
I mean I didn't Nothing could make me
go back to threads, but I did think
go back to threads but I did think
about it. And as expected, when people
about it And as expected when people
are being this shitty on the internet,
are being this shitty on the internet
there's going to be backlash
there's going to be backlash
>> on social media. People who've
>> on social media People who've
criticized Kirk are being called out,
criticized Kirk are being called out
their names and photos widely
their names and photos widely
circulated.
circulated
>> Some people who celebrated his death are
>> Some people who celebrated his death are
now under scrutiny from conservative
now under scrutiny from conservative
activists. Those activists have created
activists Those activists have created
online websites to hold accountable
online websites to hold accountable
those behind the messages. The website
those behind the messages The website
claims it's received more than 63,000
claims it's received more than 63000
submissions so far.
submissions so far
>> Some employers already firing or
>> Some employers already firing or
suspending people for their posts about
suspending people for their posts about
Kirk, impacting teachers, commercial
Kirk impacting teachers commercial
pilots, doctors, and even NFL staff.
pilots doctors and even NFL staff
Even the NFL staff are getting fired.
Even the NFL staff are getting fired
Oh, that's why the Giants suck.
Oh that's why the Giants suck
Okay. Okay. Unfortunately, this is a
Okay Okay Unfortunately this is a
pattern we've gotten used to because we
pattern we've gotten used to because we
live in an internet landscape that is so
live in an internet landscape that is so
toxic even RFK wouldn't swim in it. So,
toxic even RFK wouldn't swim in it So
every horrible event tends to have the
every horrible event tends to have the
same cycle. One side starts posting
same cycle One side starts posting
their hot takes for clicks and the other
their hot takes for clicks and the other
side tries to cancel them for it. But
side tries to cancel them for it But
one thing is different this time. This
one thing is different this time This
time the government's getting involved.
time the government's getting involved
>> Employers, you have an obligation to get
>> Employers you have an obligation to get
rid of people. People say, "Oh, people
rid of people People say Oh people
have a right to say things." Well,
have a right to say things Well
actually, they don't necessarily have a
actually they don't necessarily have a
right to say things. I think it is time
right to say things I think it is time
for this to be uh to be a crackdown on
for this to be uh to be a crackdown on
people.
people
>> So, when you see someone celebrating
>> So when you see someone celebrating
Charlie's murder, call them out in hell.
Charlie's murder call them out in hell
Call their employer.
Call their employer
>> Hold on. The vice president wants me to
>> Hold on The vice president wants me to
try to get people fired from their jobs.
try to get people fired from their jobs
First off, as a white woman, we've been
First off as a white woman we've been
doing that for years. Okay, stop
doing that for years Okay stop
appropriating our culture.
appropriating our culture
But secondly, is this what we want? The
But secondly is this what we want The
vice president's job isn't to lead an
vice president's job isn't to lead an
online mob. The vice president's job is
online mob The vice president's job is
to Okay, he doesn't really have a job,
to Okay he doesn't really have a job
but you get my point.
but you get my point
You get it?
You get it
And look, a lot of people are saying
And look a lot of people are saying
that this is a left versus right thing.
that this is a left versus right thing
But truly, I think this problem goes so
But truly I think this problem goes so
much deeper. Our discourse has been so
much deeper Our discourse has been so
poisoned by the internet that our
poisoned by the internet that our
elected officials are now using the
elected officials are now using the
power and resources of the federal
power and resources of the federal
government to carry out social media
government to carry out social media
style justice. Secretary Pete Hegth has
style justice Secretary Pete Hegth has
directed his staff to look for posts
directed his staff to look for posts
from service members. Secretary of State
from service members Secretary of State
Marco Rubio floated revoking critics
Marco Rubio floated revoking critics
visas. The power of law enforcement
visas The power of law enforcement
under President Trump's leadership will
under President Trump's leadership will
be used to find you, will use to take
be used to find you will use to take
away your money, take away your power.
away your money take away your power
>> Republican Congressman Klay Higgins of
>> Republican Congressman Klay Higgins of
Louisiana posted he will use his
Louisiana posted he will use his
congressional authority to get people
congressional authority to get people
banned for life from social media
banned for life from social media
platforms, blacklist their businesses,
platforms blacklist their businesses
and they should be kicked out of school
and they should be kicked out of school
and have their driver's licenses
and have their driver's licenses
revoked.
revoked
>> All right. First of all, revoking
>> All right First of all revoking
someone's driver's license is not a
someone's driver's license is not a
punishment for them. It's a punishment
punishment for them It's a punishment
for their friends. Okay? I'm not driving
for their friends Okay I'm not driving
Amy to the airport because you got mad
Amy to the airport because you got mad
at her tweets. Clay Higgins, you drive
at her tweets Clay Higgins you drive
Amy to the airport.
Amy to the airport
But do you see how far this has gotten
But do you see how far this has gotten
out of control? We're going to revoke a
out of control We're going to revoke a
person's driver's license just for
person's driver's license just for
having shitty tweets. And our attorney
having shitty tweets And our attorney
general is in so deep that she doesn't
general is in so deep that she doesn't
think it's going far enough.
think it's going far enough
>> There's free speech and then there's
>> There's free speech and then there's
hate speech. And there is no place,
hate speech And there is no place
especially now, especially after what
especially now especially after what
happened to Charlie in our society. We
happened to Charlie in our society We
will absolutely target you, go after
will absolutely target you go after
you. If you are targeting anyone with
you If you are targeting anyone with
hate speech, anything. And that's across
hate speech anything And that's across
the aisle.
the aisle
[Laughter]
Laughter
First of all, you would think that the
First of all you would think that the
attorney general would know that hate
attorney general would know that hate
speech is protected by the First
speech is protected by the First
Amendment.
Amendment
Even if you're not a big reader, it is
Even if you're not a big reader it is
the first one. Okay? You have to read it
the first one Okay You have to read it
to get to the one you like. Now,
to get to the one you like Now
honestly, if I went back in time and
honestly if I went back in time and
told the founding fathers that this is
told the founding fathers that this is
what would become of the First
what would become of the First
Amendment, they would say, "That's
Amendment they would say That's
insane. And why are you wearing pants,
insane And why are you wearing pants
woman?
woman
to which I would say, why are you
to which I would say why are you
wearing a wig?
wearing a wig
Anyway,
Anyway
I'm getting off track. I'm getting off
I'm getting off track I'm getting off
track. The point is, we need to
track The point is we need to
understand that no matter how mad
understand that no matter how mad
someone makes you online, that's not
someone makes you online that's not
enough to make it illegal. That said, if
enough to make it illegal That said if
you are going to crack down on hate
you are going to crack down on hate
speech, can I request that we start with
speech can I request that we start with
the YouTube comments under my lasagna
the YouTube comments under my lasagna
recipe?
recipe
My mozzarella portions are not gay. Very
My mozzarella portions are not gay Very
good.
good
Now, I was heartened to see a lot of
Now I was heartened to see a lot of
conservatives criticize Pam Bondi for
conservatives criticize Pam Bondi for
what she said about prosecuting hate
what she said about prosecuting hate
speech. Unfortunately, one guy thinks
speech Unfortunately one guy thinks
she didn't go far enough.
she didn't go far enough
>> And what do you think Pam Bondi is
>> And what do you think Pam Bondi is
saying? She's going to go after hate
saying She's going to go after hate
speech. Uh, is that I mean, a lot of
speech Uh is that I mean a lot of
people, a lot of your allies say hate
people a lot of your allies say hate
speech is free speech.
speech is free speech
>> You should probably go after people like
>> You should probably go after people like
you because you treat me so unfairly.
you because you treat me so unfairly
It's hate. You have a lot of hate in
It's hate You have a lot of hate in
your heart.
your heart
>> Yikes. Someone's ballroom construction
>> Yikes Someone's ballroom construction
is not going well. President Trump still
is not going well President Trump still
can't shake the Jeffrey Epstein scandal.
can't shake the Jeffrey Epstein scandal
So this week, Congress heard testimony
So this week Congress heard testimony
from Cash Patel, FBI director and man
from Cash Patel FBI director and man
who looks like he just walked in on his
who looks like he just walked in on his
parents having sex with a [ __ ]
parents having sex with a  __
And if I know anything about Cash Patel,
And if I know anything about Cash Patel
I know he can smooth everything over.
I know he can smooth everything over
weaponization of intelligence by the
weaponization of intelligence by the
likes of you and we have
likes of you and we have
>> Why don't you just release the entire
>> Why don't you just release the entire
file as you promised to do?
file as you promised to do
>> We are releasing as much as legally
>> We are releasing as much as legally
allowed. That's why we went back.
allowed That's why we went back
>> How is that how is that not legally
>> How is that how is that not legally
allowed?
allowed
>> Sir, do you know how court orders work?
>> Sir do you know how court orders work
Do you know how protective orders work?
Do you know how protective orders work
>> Actually, Mr. Patel, I was a prosecutor
>> Actually Mr Patel I was a prosecutor
for 10 years. I know exactly how.
for 10 years I know exactly how
>> So, I was a
>> So I was a
recognize gentleman from his men. Why
recognize gentleman from his men Why
are you protecting pedophiles?
are you protecting pedophiles
>> That is maybe the most offensive thing
>> That is maybe the most offensive thing
you could say to me.
you could say to me
That's maybe the most offensive thing
That's maybe the most offensive thing
you could say to me. Patel's like,
you could say to me Patel's like
"Listen, there's a lot you could say
Listen there's a lot you could say
about me. Like, I'm the only person who
about me Like I'm the only person who
looks dumber wearing glasses or how I
looks dumber wearing glasses or how I
only got this job because Trump thought
only got this job because Trump thought
I was Desh D Suza."
I was Desh D Suza
But I almost felt bad for Patel. He had
But I almost felt bad for Patel He had
to convincingly pretend that his boss
to convincingly pretend that his boss
had nothing to do with Jeffrey Epstein
had nothing to do with Jeffrey Epstein
and he was not up for the task.
and he was not up for the task
>> How many times did President Trump's
>> How many times did President Trump's
name appear in the Epstein files? Was it
name appear in the Epstein files Was it
more than a 100? More than a thousand?
more than a 100 More than a thousand
>> It sounds like if you don't know the
>> It sounds like if you don't know the
number, it could at least be a thousand
number it could at least be a thousand
times.
times
>> It's not.
>> It's not
>> Is it at least 500 times?
>> Is it at least 500 times
>> No.
>> No
>> Is it at least 100 times?
>> Is it at least 100 times
>> No.
>> No
>> Then what's the number?
>> Then what's the number
>> I don't know the number, but it's not
>> I don't know the number but it's not
that.
that
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's not that.
Yeah Yeah Okay It's not that
Everyone just needs to calm down. Okay.
Everyone just needs to calm down Okay
The president's name appears in the
The president's name appears in the
pedophile sex crime report a normal
pedophile sex crime report a normal
number of times. Okay. Somewhere between
number of times Okay Somewhere between
one and Hey, look over there.
one and Hey look over there
Listen, it does not look like Cash Patel
Listen it does not look like Cash Patel
can do this on his own. Mr. President,
can do this on his own Mr President
get down to Capitol Hill and show Patel
get down to Capitol Hill and show Patel
you got his back.
you got his back
>> The president left the White House today
>> The president left the White House today
heading to London for a state visit.
heading to London for a state visit
>> Wow. Cash did not see that coming
>> Wow Cash did not see that coming
somehow.
somehow
But yes, Trump left his troubles behind
But yes Trump left his troubles behind
yesterday as he embarked on a three-day
yesterday as he embarked on a three-day
state visit to the UK, his happy place,
state visit to the UK his happy place
where the king is in charge and
where the king is in charge and
vegetables are illegal.
vegetables are illegal
Of course, our relationship with Britain
Of course our relationship with Britain
is not great right now. We're fighting
is not great right now We're fighting
over tariffs in Gaza and Ukraine. So,
over tariffs in Gaza and Ukraine So
there were a lot of issues to discuss on
there were a lot of issues to discuss on
this visit. Although Trump was more
this visit Although Trump was more
excited about another aspect of the
excited about another aspect of the
trip.
trip
>> Well, my relationship is very good with
>> Well my relationship is very good with
the UK and Charles, as you know, who's
the UK and Charles as you know who's
now king, is my friend.
now king is my friend
>> Yes, Trump is like a brother to King
>> Yes Trump is like a brother to King
Charles in that his actual brother is
Charles in that his actual brother is
also in the Epstein files.
also in the Epstein files
And because Trump is so tight with the
And because Trump is so tight with the
king, he made sure to let us know that
king he made sure to let us know that
he's getting the VIP treatment.
he's getting the VIP treatment
>> And it's the first time this has ever
>> And it's the first time this has ever
happened where somebody was honored
happened where somebody was honored
twice. So, it's a great honor. And this
twice So it's a great honor And this
one's at Windsor. They've never used
one's at Windsor They've never used
Windsor Castle for this before. They
Windsor Castle for this before They
Buckingham Palace. And I don't want to
Buckingham Palace And I don't want to
say one's better than the other, but
say one's better than the other but
they say Windsor Castle is the ultimate,
they say Windsor Castle is the ultimate
right?
right
They sure do, Mr. President. The
They sure do Mr President The
ultimate castle for the prettiest
ultimate castle for the prettiest
princess.
princess
>> Leave it to Trump to pit castles against
>> Leave it to Trump to pit castles against
each other. I don't want to make it a
each other I don't want to make it a
competition, but if it is, I win.
competition but if it is I win
He was so excited for this trip, but the
He was so excited for this trip but the
ride there got a little bumpy.
ride there got a little bumpy
>> But before the president even arrived in
>> But before the president even arrived in
the UK, a rare encounter in the skies. A
the UK a rare encounter in the skies A
Spirit Airlines jet coming too close to
Spirit Airlines jet coming too close to
comfort to Air Force One. Rebuked by air
comfort to Air Force One Rebuked by air
traffic control.
traffic control
>> Pay attention. SP 1300, turn 20° right.
>> Pay attention SP 1300 turn 20° right
I'll keep an eye out for him. He's white
I'll keep an eye out for him He's white
and blue. Pay attention. Get off the
and blue Pay attention Get off the
iPad.
iPad
>> Get off the iPad. It's Spirit Airlines.
>> Get off the iPad It's Spirit Airlines
How's the pilot going to Google how to
How's the pilot going to Google how to
fly a plane?
fly a plane
So, the flight over wasn't great, but
So the flight over wasn't great but
once Air Force One landed, the UK rolled
once Air Force One landed the UK rolled
out the red carpet. The president, the
out the red carpet The president the
first lady made a stunning entrance with
first lady made a stunning entrance with
Melania hiding her head under a UFO.
Melania hiding her head under a UFO
And from there, it was on to Windsor
And from there it was on to Windsor
Castle to tell the beef eaters that he's
Castle to tell the beef eaters that he's
also on an all beef diet.
also on an all beef diet
And that that was followed by a parade
And that that was followed by a parade
in which one horse gave Trump a special
in which one horse gave Trump a special
salute of his own.
salute of his own
You know, RFK Jr. texted him after like,
You know RFK Jr texted him after like
"Bring me some leftovers."
Bring me some leftovers
But then, of course, Trump took part in
But then of course Trump took part in
the timehonored tradition of pretending
the timehonored tradition of pretending
he cares about history.
he cares about history
Sorry, what
Sorry what
what the hell is going on with Melania
what the hell is going on with Melania
right here?
right here
Is she even in there or did she just did
Is she even in there or did she just did
she just put her clothes on a coat rack
she just put her clothes on a coat rack
and sneak out?
and sneak out
Now, tomorrow Trump will be meeting with
Now tomorrow Trump will be meeting with
the prime minister to talk policy. But
the prime minister to talk policy But
he had such a wonderful time today with
he had such a wonderful time today with
all the pomp and circumstance. And it
all the pomp and circumstance And it
must have been so nice to spend some
must have been so nice to spend some
time in such ultimate surroundings and
time in such ultimate surroundings and
forget all about the drama and the
forget all about the drama and the
troubles back home. Protesters here
troubles back home Protesters here
overnight projecting a photo of
overnight projecting a photo of
President Trump alongside convicted sex
President Trump alongside convicted sex
offender Jeffrey Epstein on the walls of
offender Jeffrey Epstein on the walls of
Windsor.
Windsor
>> Oh man, not all over the good castle.
>> Oh man not all over the good castle
So Donald Trump went all the way to
So Donald Trump went all the way to
England and still couldn't escape the
England and still couldn't escape the
Epstein scandal that haunts him back
Epstein scandal that haunts him back
home. I mean, come on. At this point, I
home I mean come on At this point I
I almost feel bad. How many times does
I almost feel bad How many times does
Trump have to be reminded of this thing?
Trump have to be reminded of this thing
1,000 times,
1000 times
500 times,
500 times
100 times?
100 times
>> I don't know the number, but it's not
>> I don't know the number but it's not
that.
that
>> If you felt a little off these past
>> If you felt a little off these past
couple of days, it's probably because
couple of days it's probably because
our great father has not been home.
our great father has not been home
Your father has been gracing England
Your father has been gracing England
with his legendary
with his legendary
warmth and radiance,
warmth and radiance
gazed upon him with a gate even more
gazed upon him with a gate even more
majestic than that of the royal horses
majestic than that of the royal horses
that pranced before him. He wowed the
that pranced before him He wowed the
English with charm, intelligence, and an
English with charm intelligence and an
undeniable sexual charisma
undeniable sexual charisma
that filled their air like a pheromone
that filled their air like a pheromone
packed London fog.
packed London fog
And as part of this historic trip,
And as part of this historic trip
the perfectly tinted Trump
the perfectly tinted Trump
dazzled his hosts at dinner with a
dazzled his hosts at dinner with a
demonstration of unmatched oratory
demonstration of unmatched oratory
skill. A fifth of all of humanity
skill A fifth of all of humanity
speaks, writes, thinks, and prays in the
speaks writes thinks and prays in the
language born on these aisles and
language born on these aisles and
perfected in the pages of Shakespeare
perfected in the pages of Shakespeare
and Dickens and Tolen, Lewis, Orwell and
and Dickens and Tolen Lewis Orwell and
Kipling.
Kipling
Incredible people.
Incredible people
[Applause]
Applause
He didn't have to look down once,
He didn't have to look down once
completely off book as he namech checked
completely off book as he namech checked
his favorite authors
his favorite authors
from the top of his head.
from the top of his head
Trump employing restraint not to quote
Trump employing restraint not to quote
verbatim these great authors.
verbatim these great authors
Our president has devoured voraciously.
Our president has devoured voraciously
Incredible people indeed.
Incredible people indeed
[Applause]
Applause
I'll tell you whose client list Trump's
I'll tell you whose client list Trump's
name is on Dewey Decimals.
name is on Dewey Decimals
[Applause]
Applause
But of course, as great as those authors
But of course as great as those authors
are, there can only be one most
are there can only be one most
tremendous author in the English
tremendous author in the English
language. And I think we know that that
language And I think we know that that
author begins with the T
author begins with the T
and ends
and ends
in key.
in key
Oh, how fortune has smiled upon us. For
Oh how fortune has smiled upon us For
that very scribe is also our dear
that very scribe is also our dear
leader. We joined by history and fate
leader We joined by history and fate
and by love and language. We're like two
and by love and language We're like two
notes in one chord or two verses of the
notes in one chord or two verses of the
same poem. Each beautiful on its own,
same poem Each beautiful on its own
but really meant to be played together.
but really meant to be played together
>> The whole room is enthralled.
>> The whole room is enthralled
That's resting interest face.
That's resting interest face
[Applause]
Applause
It was a most beautiful recitation, Mr.
It was a most beautiful recitation Mr
President. It brings me to tears almost
President It brings me to tears almost
as much as your favorite poem about that
as much as your favorite poem about that
man from Nantucket
man from Nantucket
and the variety of things that man can
and the variety of things that man can
do that rhyme
do that rhyme
with Tucket.
with Tucket
Although, Mr. President, if I may
Although Mr President if I may
humbly, I beg of you to take a small
humbly I beg of you to take a small
detour off this highway of adoration you
detour off this highway of adoration you
have so richly earned for a bit of a
have so richly earned for a bit of a
comic repasted. Um, what the is on this
comic repasted Um what the is on this
guy's head?
guy's head
Hang on the mistletoe you want, Earl of
Hang on the mistletoe you want Earl of
Higgin Hoffen Ballum.
Higgin Hoffen Ballum
Our president's luscious lips shall
Our president's luscious lips shall
never grace your forehead.
never grace your forehead
Or is that [ __ ] is that some sort of
Or is that  __  is that some sort of
second rate Harry Potter scar [ __ ]
second rate Harry Potter scar  __
What's on his head?
What's on his head
He's scarred with the mark of the phone.
He's scarred with the mark of the phone
Nvia growtosis.
Nvia growtosis
But the president, almost despicably
But the president almost despicably
humble,
humble
gave the royals a rare glimpse at his
gave the royals a rare glimpse at his
soft-spoken yet prideful side.
soft-spoken yet prideful side
>> We had a very
>> We had a very
sick country one year ago, and today I
sick country one year ago and today I
believe we're the hottest country
believe we're the hottest country
anywhere in the world. In fact, nobody's
anywhere in the world In fact nobody's
even questioning it.
even questioning it
[Applause]
Applause
Nobody.
Nobody
Certainly not thising guy. Am I right?
Certainly not thising guy Am I right
[Applause]
Applause
You got something to say to me, King
You got something to say to me King
Chuck? Don't make eye contact, [ __ ]
Chuck Don't make eye contact  __
I'm the alpha dog.
I'm the alpha dog
Trump knows USA is the hottest we've
Trump knows USA is the hottest we've
ever been. And not just because of
ever been And not just because of
climate change.
climate change
Which is a good thing. It's actually
Which is a good thing It's actually
climate change is it's a good thing.
climate change is it's a good thing
[Applause]
Applause
Cities
Cities
should be part of the ocean
should be part of the ocean
if you think about it. Because obviously
if you think about it Because obviously
what's more important than staying
what's more important than staying
hydrated?
hydrated
Four cities.
Four cities
Of course, this visit wasn't just an
Of course this visit wasn't just an
opportunity for President Trump to rub
opportunity for President Trump to rub
shoulders with lesser royals. He also
shoulders with lesser royals He also
met with political lessers like the
met with political lessers like the
British prime minister who had to be
British prime minister who had to be
reminded that Trump has ended all the
reminded that Trump has ended all the
wars in the world,
wars in the world
especially the one between Azeraijan
especially the one between Azeraijan
and Armenia. to think that we settled uh
and Armenia to think that we settled uh
Abberaijan
Abberaijan
and Albania as an example.
and Albania as an example
[Applause]
Applause
[Applause]
Applause
I would like to apologize very quickly.
I would like to apologize very quickly
Uh I stand corrected.
Uh I stand corrected
Azerbaijan
Azerbaijan
is actually pronounced Aberian
is actually pronounced Aberian
[Applause]
Applause
and
and
Armenia
Armenia
is pronounced
is pronounced
Albania.
Albania
I
I
I regret the error. Trump ended the war
I regret the error Trump ended the war
between Aberian
between Aberian
and Albania. Do better. Do better. Do
and Albania Do better Do better Do
better.
better
Dumb [ __ ] B.
Dumb  __  B
[Applause]
Applause
That wasn't smart either.
That wasn't smart either
Now, the visit to England couldn't have
Now the visit to England couldn't have
gone better for our president. Finally,
gone better for our president Finally
a country affording our great leader the
a country affording our great leader the
respect and deference that any son god
respect and deference that any son god
would command. We saw the dismissal of a
would command We saw the dismissal of a
very well-known chat show host in
very well-known chat show host in
America last night, Mr. Kimmel. Is free
America last night Mr Kimmel Is free
speech more under attack in Britain or
speech more under attack in Britain or
America?
America
>> How dare you, sir?
>> How dare you sir
>> How dare you, sir?
>> How dare you sir
What What outfit are you with, sir? The
What What outfit are you with sir The
Antifa Herald Tribune.
Antifa Herald Tribune
Why? I wouldn't even line my parents'
Why I wouldn't even line my parents'
cage with your rag.
cage with your rag
There's a very reasonable explanation
There's a very reasonable explanation
for what befell this scallywag
for what befell this scallywag
Kimble.
Kimble
>> Well, Jimmy Kimmel was fired because he
>> Well Jimmy Kimmel was fired because he
had bad ratings more than anything else.
had bad ratings more than anything else
And he said a horrible thing about a
And he said a horrible thing about a
great gentleman known as Charlie Kirk.
great gentleman known as Charlie Kirk
And Jimmy Kimmel is not a talented
And Jimmy Kimmel is not a talented
person. He had very bad ratings. And
person He had very bad ratings And
they should have fired him a long time
they should have fired him a long time
ago. So, you know, you can call that
ago So you know you can call that
free speech or not.
free speech or not
Shut the [ __ ] up.
Shut the  __  up
Yay.
Yay
You may call it free speech in jolly old
You may call it free speech in jolly old
England, but in America, we have a
England but in America we have a
little something called the First
little something called the First
Amendment. And let me tell you how it
Amendment And let me tell you how it
works. There's something called a talent
works There's something called a talent
ometer.
ometer
It's a completely scientific instrument
It's a completely scientific instrument
that is kept on the president's desk and
that is kept on the president's desk and
it tells the president when a
it tells the president when a
performer's TQ talent quotient
performer's TQ talent quotient
measured mostly by niceness to the
measured mostly by niceness to the
president goes below a certain level at
president goes below a certain level at
which point the FCC must be notified to
which point the FCC must be notified to
threaten the acquisition prospects for
threaten the acquisition prospects for
billion-dollar mergers of network
billion-dollar mergers of network
affiliates. These affiliates are then
affiliates These affiliates are then
asked to give ultimatives to the even
asked to give ultimatives to the even
larger mega corporation that controls
larger mega corporation that controls
the flow of state approved content. Or
the flow of state approved content Or
the FCC can just choose to threaten
the FCC can just choose to threaten
those licenses directly. It's basic
those licenses directly It's basic
science.
science
Read your constitution.
Read your constitution
Read it.
Read it
Look, there are certain rules of free
Look there are certain rules of free
speech that we must all abide by. But in
speech that we must all abide by But in
case anyone needs a refresher, we're
case anyone needs a refresher we're
going to go over the rules again. He
going to go over the rules again He
does not have a right to have a
does not have a right to have a
television show where he lies his ass
television show where he lies his ass
off to the American people.
off to the American people
>> There are repercussions to spreading
>> There are repercussions to spreading
lies.
lies
>> Exactly.
>> Exactly
And even though two months ago our
And even though two months ago our
president because of his grand ability
president because of his grand ability
to see the future, it's a curse.
to see the future it's a curse
Somehow knew that Kimell would be next
Somehow knew that Kimell would be next
as he explicitly said.
as he explicitly said
You can't just make things up on
You can't just make things up on
television. People cannot just go on
television People cannot just go on
television and mislead viewers with
television and mislead viewers with
madeup crap.
madeup crap
>> Millions of illegal aliens that Borazar
>> Millions of illegal aliens that Borazar
Harris brought into the country will be
Harris brought into the country will be
voting. The bottom line is this. There
voting The bottom line is this There
is massive voter fraud. Global warming
is massive voter fraud Global warming
is a hoax.
is a hoax
>> Crime. Crime is at an all-time high
>> Crime Crime is at an all-time high
right now. 50 million on condoms in
right now 50 million on condoms in
Gaza.
Gaza
>> They're taking people's pets and killing
>> They're taking people's pets and killing
them and eating them. On January 6, two
them and eating them On January 6 two
years ago, the overwhelming majority
years ago the overwhelming majority
were peaceful. They were orderly and
were peaceful They were orderly and
meek. These were not insurrectionists.
meek These were not insurrectionists
They were sightseers.
They were sightseers
All true.
All true
[Applause]
Applause
Oh, your lordship.
Oh your lordship
[Applause]
Applause
I do not know whence these peasants
I do not know whence these peasants
come.
come
That last roll of clips. All true.
That last roll of clips All true
Especially that last one about
Especially that last one about
sightseers because technically anything
sightseers because technically anything
you see
you see
is a sight.
is a sight
Even even if even if that is
Even even if even if that is
even if that is you punching a cop.
even if that is you punching a cop
I see.
I see
Therefore I am sightseeing.
Therefore I am sightseeing
But of course, even before this Jason
But of course even before this Jason
Kringle situation at ABC,
Kringle situation at ABC
there were plenty of other people in
there were plenty of other people in
America exercising their free speech
America exercising their free speech
incorrectly. So, here are some examples
incorrectly So here are some examples
of things you cannot say about your
of things you cannot say about your
political opponents.
political opponents
>> You can't call someone who you disagree
>> You can't call someone who you disagree
with a fascist.
with a fascist
>> Leaders cannot call their political
>> Leaders cannot call their political
oppon opponents Nazis and fascists and
oppon opponents Nazis and fascists and
enemies of the state. how horrible and
enemies of the state how horrible and
dangerous it is to view people with whom
dangerous it is to view people with whom
we disagree as somehow being less than
we disagree as somehow being less than
human.
human
>> Thank you. You can't say fascist. You
>> Thank you You can't say fascist You
can't say enemy of the state. You can't
can't say enemy of the state You can't
say less than human. These are simple
say less than human These are simple
rules that any responsible member of a
rules that any responsible member of a
society can easily follow. The
society can easily follow The
Democrats, they're fascists. Joe Biden,
Democrats they're fascists Joe Biden
he's an enemy of the state. It's a very
he's an enemy of the state It's a very
demonic party. Nancy Pelosi said,
demonic party Nancy Pelosi said
"Please don't call them animals. They're
Please don't call them animals They're
human beings." I said, "No, they're
human beings I said No they're
animals." Of course, I think she's an
animals Of course I think she's an
animal, too. You want to know the truth?
animal too You want to know the truth
>> Technically correct.
>> Technically correct
She's not a mineral.
She's not a mineral
[Music]
Music
[Applause]
Applause
Anyway, he he said that a long time ago
Anyway he he said that a long time ago
back when I was doing a semester abroad
back when I was doing a semester abroad
in Abu Hyen.
in Abu Hyen
You know what? It's not really about the
You know what It's not really about the
specific words. It It's about having a
specific words It It's about having a
basic sense of humanity.
basic sense of humanity
>> People on the left are much likelier to
>> People on the left are much likelier to
defend and celebrate political violence.
defend and celebrate political violence
This is not a both sides problem. The
This is not a both sides problem The
First Amendment though does not protect
First Amendment though does not protect
entertainers
entertainers
who say crass or thoughtless things as
who say crass or thoughtless things as
Jimmy Kimmel did.
Jimmy Kimmel did
Thank you. Thank both of you.
Thank you Thank both of you
Or I think we only have to be nice to
Or I think we only have to be nice to
one of you.
one of you
You know it is true. I I do point taken.
You know it is true I I do point taken
Only a bad person would celebrate
Only a bad person would celebrate
violence or make crass jokes about it.
violence or make crass jokes about it
>> Nancy Pelosi, well, she's got protection
>> Nancy Pelosi well she's got protection
when she's in DC. Apparently, her house
when she's in DC Apparently her house
doesn't have a lot of protection.
doesn't have a lot of protection
>> Donald Trump Jr. shared an image of a
>> Donald Trump Jr shared an image of a
hammer in a pair of underwear. That had
hammer in a pair of underwear That had
the caption, "Got my Paul Pelosi
the caption Got my Paul Pelosi
Halloween costume ready."
Halloween costume ready
>> Well, maybe Paul Pelosi needs the the
>> Well maybe Paul Pelosi needs the the
hammer instead of the metal.
hammer instead of the metal
>> Well,
>> Well
it's metal. All right, Rachel.
it's metal All right Rachel
[Laughter]
Laughter
No, no, no. Stop. And by the way, they
No no no Stop And by the way they
were there were consequences. This
were there were consequences This
gentleman had to leave television.
gentleman had to leave television
I I'm not sure where he went, but I'm
I I'm not sure where he went but I'm
sure it's not some prestigious
sure it's not some prestigious
consequential position he's not remotely
consequential position he's not remotely
qualified for. Who is it?
qualified for Who is it
These two, these two,
These two these two
these two could learn a lesson from our
these two could learn a lesson from our
dear president who
dear president who
like Santa
like Santa
knows that we are all God's children and
knows that we are all God's children and
would never That is what Santa is,
would never That is what Santa is
right? God's chas.
right God's chas
I'm not so up on the lore.
I'm not so up on the lore
I know he's good,
I know he's good
but the president knows we're all God's
but the president knows we're all God's
children. And the president would never
children And the president would never
make light of a politically motivated
make light of a politically motivated
attack.
attack
>> Will stand up to crazy Nancy Pelosi who
>> Will stand up to crazy Nancy Pelosi who
ruined San Francisco.
ruined San Francisco
[Applause]
Applause
How's her husband doing, by the way?
How's her husband doing by the way
Anybody know?
Anybody know
>> You see, that's how it's done. You stop
>> You see that's how it's done You stop
in the middle of a speech to inquire
in the middle of a speech to inquire
about the condition of an 82year-old man
about the condition of an 82year-old man
who was attacked with a hammer in his
who was attacked with a hammer in his
own home. He has a fractured skull, Mr.
own home He has a fractured skull Mr
President, but thank you for asking.
President but thank you for asking
Your kindness is only outshined by your
Your kindness is only outshined by your
manliness.
manliness
So, I don't know who this uh I don't
So I don't know who this uh I don't
know who this this
know who this this
Johnny Drimmel live ABC character is,
Johnny Drimmel live ABC character is
but the point is our great
but the point is our great
administration has laid out very clear
administration has laid out very clear
rules on free speech.
rules on free speech
Now, some naysayers may argue that this
Now some naysayers may argue that this
administration's speech concerns are
administration's speech concerns are
merely a cynical ploy, a thin gr of a
merely a cynical ploy a thin gr of a
ruse, a smokeokc screen to obscure an
ruse a smokeokc screen to obscure an
unprecedented consolidation of power and
unprecedented consolidation of power and
unitary intimidation, principleless and
unitary intimidation principleless and
coldly antithetical to any experiment in
coldly antithetical to any experiment in
a constitutional republic governance.
a constitutional republic governance
Some people would say that.
Some people would say that
Not me, though. I think it's great. Ah,
Not me though I think it's great Ah
[Music]
Music
you
you
- Pause

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